Funny Thanksgiving Quotes
"What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set
aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets.
I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?"
- Erma Bombeck
"Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare.
They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take
twelve minutes. This is not coincidence."
- Erma Bombeck
"At Thanksgiving, my Mom always makes too much food,
especially one item, like 700 or 800 pounds of sweet potatoes.
She's got to push it during the meal. 'Did you get some sweet potatoes?
There's sweet potatoes. They're hot. There's more in the oven,
some more in the garage. The rest are at the Johnson's.'"
- Louie Anderson
"Thanksgiving is the day when you turn to another family
member and say,'How long has Mom been drinking like this?'
My Mom, after six Bloody Marys looks at the turkey and goes,
'Here, kitty, kitty.'"
- David Letterman
"An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day."
- Irv Kupcinet
"It has been an unchallengeable American doctrine that
cranberry sauce, a pink goo with overtones of sugared tomatoes,
is a delectable necessity of the Thanksgiving board and
that turkey is uneatable without it.
- Alistair Cooke
"Coexistence: what the farmer does with the turkey -
- Mike Connolly
"Turkey: A large bird whose flesh, when eaten on certain
religious anniversaries has the peculiar property of attesting
piety and gratitude."
- Ambrose Bierce, 'The Devil's Dictionary'
"You know that just before that first Thanksgiving
dinner there was one wise, old Native American woman saying,
'Don't feed them. If you feed them, they'll never leave.'"
- Dylan Brody
"Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel
thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year.
And then discover once a year is way too often."
- Johnny Carson