Thanksgiving Humor

Funny Thanksgiving Quotes

"The funny thing about Thanksgiving, or any huge meal,
is that you spend 12 hours shopping for it and then chopping
and cooking and braising and blanching. Then it takes 20 minutes
to eat it and everybody sort of sits around in a food coma,
and then it takes four hours to clean it up."
- Ted Allen

"Thanksgiving, man.
Not a good day to be my pants."
- Kevin James

"At Thanksgiving, my Mom always makes too much food,
especially one item, like 700 or 800 pounds of sweet potatoes.
She's got to push it during the meal. 'Did you get some sweet potatoes?
There's sweet potatoes. They're hot. There's more in the oven,
some more in the garage. The rest are at the Johnson's.'"
- Louie Anderson

"Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday.
People travel thousands of miles to be with people
they only see once a year. And then discover once
a year is way too often."
- Johnny Carson

"An optimist is a person who starts a
new diet on Thanksgiving Day."
- Irv Kupcinet

"We're having something a little different
this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey,
we're having a swan. You get more stuffing."
- George Carlin

"You know that just before that first
Thanksgiving dinner there was one wise, old
Native American woman saying, 'Don't feed them.
If you feed them, they'll never leave.'"
- Dylan Brody

"Thanksgiving is the day when you
turn to another family member and say,
'How long has Mom been drinking like this?' My Mom,
after six Bloody Marys looks at the turkey and goes,
'Here, kitty, kitty.'"
- David Letterman

"My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving
at her house is a time of sorrow."
- Rita Rudner

"May your stuffing be tasty
May your turkey plump,
May your potatoes and gravy
Have nary a lump.
May your yams be delicious
And your pies take the prize,
And may your Thanksgiving dinner
Stay off your thighs!"

- Author Unknown