Joke - Rude Bus Driver...

Rude Bus Driver

A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver looked at the child

and blurted out, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!"

Infuriated, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an

aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed

that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.

"The bus driver insulted me!" she fumed.

The man sympathized and said, "Why, he shouldn't say things to insult

passengers. He could be fired for that."

"You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece

of my mind!"

"That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."

St. Patrick's Day Jokes...

Irish Jokes for St. Patrick's Day

Three guys - one Irish, one English, and one Scottish, are
walking along the beach one day. They come across a lantern
and a genie pops out. "I will give you each one wish. That's
three wishes in in total," says the genie.

The Scottish guy says, "I am a fisherman, my dad's a fisherman,
his dad was a fisherman, and my son will be one, too. I want all
the oceans full of fish for all eternity."

So, with a blink of the genie's eye, FOOM, the oceans were
teaming with fish!

The Englishman was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around
England, protecting her, so that no one will get in for all eternity."

Again, with a blink of the genie's eye, POOF, there was a huge
wall around England!

The Irishman asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about

this wall."

The genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high and 50 feet thick.

It protects England so nothing can get in or out."

The Irishman says, "Fill it up with water."

_____

A ventriloquist is telling Irish jokes in a pub, when an irate Irishman

stands up and says, "You're making out we're all dumb and stupid.

I oughtta punch you in the nose."

"I'm sorry sir, I... "

"Not you," says the Irishman, "I'm talking to that little fella on

your knee."

_____

Gallagher is in Boston and he is waiting patiently. He is also watching

the traffic cop on a busy street crossing.

The cop stops the flow of traffic and shouts, "Okay, pedestrians."

Then he allows the traffic to pass.

He did this several times, and Gallagher is still standing on

the sidewalk.

After the cop has shouted 'Pedestrians' for the tenth time,

Gallagher approaches him and says, "Is it not about time ye let

the Catholics across?"

_____

"Why do you Irish always answer a question with a question?" asked

President Franklin D. Roosevelt.

"Do we now?" came New York Mayor Al Smith's reply.

Fun and Funny Quotes...

Fun and Funny Quotes

"To be or not to be. That's not really a question."

- Jean-Luc Godard

"Have enough sense to know, ahead of time,

when your skills will not extend to wallpapering."

- Marilyn vos Savant

"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes."

- Jim Carrey

"A psychiatrist asks a lot of expensive questions

your wife asks for nothing."

- Joey Adams

"The poets have been mysteriously silent

on the subject of cheese."

- G. K. Chesterton

"Writing books is the closest

men ever come to childbearing."

- Norman Mailer

"Never get a mime talking. He won't stop."

- Marcel Marceau

"I haven't slept for 10 days,

because that would be too long."

- Mitch Hedberg

"Last year I donated a fruitcake to the Salvation Army.

I got it back this year from our local food bank."

- Dana Bate  (from Vagabond Journeys)

"In order to make an apple pie from scratch,

you must first create the universe."

- Carl Sagan

"My theory is that all Scottish cuisine

is based on a dare."

- Mike Myers

"Don't look back.

Something might be gaining on you."

- Satchel Paige

Success Quotes and a Bible Verse...

Success Quotes and a Bible Verse

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on

your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him,

and He will make your paths straight."

- Proverbs 3:5-6

"It's our attitude in life that determines life's

attitude toward us."

- Earl Nightingale

"Most people who fail in their dreams fail not from

lack of ability but from lack of commitment."

- Zig Ziglar

"Don't be content with doing only your duty.

Do more than your duty. It's the horse that

finishes a neck ahead that wins the race."

- Andrew Carnegie

"A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation

with the bricks others have thrown at him."

- David Brinkley

"The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking

new lands but seeing with new eyes."

- Marcel Proust

"What are you doing today to become a champion?"

- Drayton McLane, Jr.

"No matter what it is,

pick yourself up and go on to the next project."

- Shelley Duvall

"Failure is success if we learn from it."

- Malcolm Forbes

"Success is 99 percent failure."

- Soichire Honda

"This is the best day the world has ever seen.

Tomorrow will be better."

- R. A. Campbell

* Happy Birthday, sis!  Love you to the moon!

St. Patrick's Day Quotes and Sayings...

St. Patrick's Day Quotes and Sayings

"St. Patrick's Day is an enchanted time - a day to begin

transforming winter's dreams into summer's magic."

- Adrienne Cook

"There are only two kinds of people in the world:

The Irish and those who wish they were."

- An Irish saying

"When anyone asks me about the Irish character,

I say look at the trees. Maimed, stark and misshapen,

but ferociously tenacious."

- Edna O'Brien

"A good laugh and a long sleep are the two best cures."

- An Irish Saying

"The list of Irish saints is past counting; but in it all no

other figure is so human, friendly, and lovable as St. Patrick,

who was an Irishman only by adoption."

- Stephen Gwynn

"May the strength of God pilot us.

May the wisdom of God instruct us.

May the hand of God protect us.

May the Word of God direct us.

Be always ours this day and forevermore."

- Saint Patrick

"Christ with me, Christ before me, Christ behind me,

Christ in me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me,

Christ on my right, Christ on my left,

Christ where I lie, Christ where I sit, Christ where I arise,

Christ in the heart of every man who thinks of me,

Christ in the mouth of every man who speaks of me,

Christ in every eye that sees me,

Christ in every ear that hears me."

- Saint Patrick

"Saint Patrick was a gentleman

Who through strategy and stealth,

Drove all the snakes from Ireland,

Here's a drinkee to his health!

But not too many drinkees,

Lest we lose ourselves and then...

Forget the good Saint Patrick

And see them snakes again!"

- Author Unknown

* Happy Birthday to my baby girl Chelsea who
turns 25 today!!  Love you, Roo!!