Joke - Karate Guard Dog...

Karate Guard Dog

Sam and George owned a store in the outskirts of San Francisco. It had been

burglarized several times in the past year and Sam decided to buy a guard dog.

Shopping for one, Sam found himself in Chinatown, at a pet store whose sign

boasted, The Best Guard Dogs That Money Will Buy. He entered the store, but

much to his disappointment, all the dogs he could see were Pekingese.

"Excuse me," Sam said to the manager, "but the sign outside says you sell guard

dogs. Where are they?"

The manager, an elderly Chinese, replied, "Oh, but these are highly trained

guard dogs. They all know karate."

"Karate! No way."

"I'll show you," said the shop owner.

He took one of the Pekingese out to the backyard and put it in front of a brick.

The dog stood absolutely still. The shopkeeper gave a command, "Karate! Brick!"

And with complete astonishment, Sam saw the little dog perform a perfect
karate chop, splitting the brick in half. Totally amazed, he bought the dog.

Back at his own store, he showed the Pekingese guard dog to George,
who thought he was completely mad and told him to return the Pekingese
immediately.

"But, he is a trained guard dog!"

"Yeah, sure!"

Sam put the Pekingese on the floor and said, "He knows karate!!"

With a sneer George retorted, "Karate! My foot!"

Joke - Nice One...

Nice One

One night a fellow drove his secretary home after she had

imbibed a little too much at an office reception. Although

this was an innocent gesture, he decided not to mention it to

his wife, who tended to get jealous easily.

The next night the man and his wife were driving to a

restaurant. Suddenly he looked down and spotted a high-heel

shoe half hidden under the passenger seat. Not wanting to be

conspicuous, he waited until his wife was looking out her

window before he scooped up the shoe and tossed it out of

the car.

With a sigh of relief, he pulled into the restaurant parking lot.

That's when he noticed his wife squirming around in her seat.

"Honey," she asked, "have you seen my other shoe?"

Joke - Drumming...

Drumming

There was once a small boy who banged a drum all day and loved every

moment of it. He would not be quiet, no matter what anyone else said

or did. Various attempts were made to do something about the child.

One person told the boy that he would, if he continued to make so much

noise, perforate his eardrums. This reasoning was too advanced for the

child, who was neither a scientist nor a scholar.

A second person told him that drum beating was a sacred activity and

should be carried out only on special occasions. The third person offered

the neighbors plugs for their ears; a fourth gave the boy a book; a fifth

gave the neighbors books that described a method of controlling anger

through biofeedback; a sixth person gave the boy meditation exercises to

make him placid and docile. None of these attempts worked.

Eventually, a wise person came along with an effective motivation. He

looked at the situation, handed the child a hammer and chisel, and asked,

"I wonder what is INSIDE the drum?"

No more problem.

Fun and Funny Spring Quotes...

Fun and Funny Spring Quotes

"Spring is nature's way of saying,

'Let's party!'"

- Robin Williams

"Spring is when you feel like whistling

even with a shoe full of slush."

- Doug Larson

"Spring has come when you can put your

foot on three daisies."

– Author Unknown

"The world is mud-luscious and puddle-wonderful."

- E. E. Cummings

"Every year, back comes Spring, with nasty

little birds yapping their fool heads off and

the ground all mucked up with plants."

- Dorothy Parker

"It's Spring fever... You don't quite know what

it is you DO want, but it just fairly makes your

heart ache, you want it so!"

- Mark Twain

"In the Spring I have counted one hundred

and thirty-six different kinds of weather

inside of four and twenty hours."

- Mark Twain

"Spring being a touch act to follow,

God created June."

- Al Bernstein

"In the Spring, at the end of the day,

you should smell like dirt."

- Margaret Atwood

"A little Madness in the Spring

Is wholesome even for the King."

- Emily Dickinson

"First a howling blizzard woke us,

Then the rain came down to soak us,

And now before the eye can focus -

Crocus."

- Lilja Rogers

Encouraging and Uplifting Quotes and a Bible Verse...

Quotes and a Bible Verse to Encourage and Uplift

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed,

for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you;

I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.

- Isaiah 41:10

"However softly we speak, God is near enough to hear us."

- Saint Teresa of Avila

"God's heart is the most sensitive and tender of all.

No act goes unnoticed, no matter how insignificant or small."

- Richard J. Foster

"Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events,

have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose

which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet.

I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it."

- Groucho Marx

"There is progress whether ye are going forward

or backward! The thing is to move!"

- Edgar Cayce

"People can be more forgiving than you can imagine. But you

have to forgive yourself. Let go of what's bitter and move on."

- Bill Cosby

"There's an important difference between

giving up and letting go."

- Jessica Hatchigan

"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be."

- Lao Tzu

"If your lips can speak a word of encouragement

to a weary soul, you have a talent."

- Eva J. Cummings

"Remember, we all stumble, every one of us.

That is why it's a comfort to go hand in hand."

- Emily Kimbrough

"Life is what we make it, always has been, always will be."

- Grandma Moses