Computer Humor...

Actual "Call Center" Calls

Caller: "I've been calling 700 -1000 for two days
and can't get through. Can you help?"
Operator: "Where did you get that number, sir?"
Caller: "It's on the door of your business."
Operator: "Sir, those are the hours that we are open."

* * * * * * * *

Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"
Operator: "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you
are talking about."
Caller: "On page 1, section 5, of the User Guide it clearly states
that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall
socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can
you give me the number for Jack?"
Operator: "I think it means the telephone plug on the wall."

* * * * * * * *

Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Caller: "OK."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Caller: "No."
Tech Support: "OK. Right-click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Caller: "No."
Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up
until this point?"
Caller: "Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."

* * * * * * * *

This is actual dialogue from the WordPerfect Help-line, which was
transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department.

Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"
Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
Operator: "What sort of trouble?"
Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the
words went away."
Operator: "Went away?"
Caller: "They disappeared."
Operator: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
Caller: "Nothing."
Operator: "Nothing?"
Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
Caller: "How do I tell?"
Operator: "Can you see the 'C: prompt' on the screen?"
Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"
Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around
the screen?"
Caller: "There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't accept
anything I type."
Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"
Caller: "What's a monitor?"
Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like
a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when
it's on?"
Caller: "I don't know."
Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and
find where the power cord goes into it. Can you
see that?"
Caller: "Yes, I think so."
Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if
it's plugged into the wall.
Caller: "Yes, it is."
Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice
that there were two cables plugged into the back of it,
not just one?"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again
and find the other cable."
Caller: "Okay, here it is."
Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely
into the back of your computer."
Caller: "I can't reach."
Operator: "OK. Well, can you see if it is?"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and
lean way over?"
Caller: "Well, it's not because I don't have the right angle -
it's because it's dark."
Operator: "Dark??"
Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is
coming in from the window."
Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Caller: "I can't."
Operator: "No? Why not?"
Caller: "Because there's a power failure."
Operator: "A power ... A power failure? Aha. Okay, we've got
it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals
and packing stuff that your computer came in??"
Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and
pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back
to the store you bought it from."
Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"
Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??"
Operator: "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer!!!"

Funny - Burma Shave signs...

Burma Shave Signs

I received this from a friend in an email. I personally never saw these
signs, but think they are very funny. They were posted in the 1930's
and 40's on old, two-lane roads all over the countryside in farmers'
fields. They were small, red signs with white letters. They were five
signs, about 100 feet apart, each containing one line of a four line
couplet... and the obligatory fifth sign advertising Burma Shave, a
popular shaving cream. Here are some of them...

DON'T STICK YOUR ELBOW
OUT SO FAR
IT MAY GO HOME
IN ANOTHER CAR
Burma Shave

TRAINS DON'T WANDER
ALL OVER THE MAP
'CAUSE NOBODY SITS
IN THE ENGINEER'S LAP
Burma Shave

SHE KISSED THE HAIRBRUSH
BY MISTAKE
SHE THOUGHT IT WAS
HER HUSBAND JAKE
Burma Shave

DON'T LOSE YOUR HEAD
TO GAIN A MINUTE
YOU NEED YOUR HEAD
YOUR BRAINS ARE IN IT
Burma Shave

DROVE TOO LONG
DRIVER SNOOZING
WHAT HAPPENED NEXT
IS NOT AMUSING
Burma Shave

BROTHER SPEEDER
LET'S REHEARSE
ALL TOGETHER
GOOD MORNING, NURSE
Burma Shave

CAUTIOUS RIDER
TO HER RECKLESS DEAR
LET'S HAVE LESS BULL
AND A LITTLE MORE STEER
Burma Shave

SPEED WAS HIGH
WEATHER WAS NOT
TIRES WERE THIN
X MARKS THE SPOT
Burma Shave

THE MIDNIGHT RIDE
OF PAUL FOR BEER
LED TO A WARMER
HEMISPHERE
Burma Shave

AROUND THE CURVE
LICKETY-SPLIT
BEAUTIFUL CAR
WASN'T IT?
Burma Shave

NO MATTER THE PRICE
NO MATTER HOW NEW
THE BEST SAFETY DEVICE
IN THE CAR IS YOU
Burma Shave

A GUY WHO DRIVES
A CAR WIDE OPEN
IS NOT THINKIN'
HE'S JUST HOPIN'
Burma Shave

AT INTERSECTIONS
LOOK EACH WAY
A HARP SOUNDS NICE
BUT IT'S HARD TO PLAY
Burma Shave

BOTH HANDS ON THE WHEEL
EYES ON THE ROAD
THAT'S THE SKILLFUL
DRIVER'S CODE
Burma Shave

THE ONE WHO DRIVES
WHEN HE'S BEEN DRINKING
DEPENDS ON YOU
TO DO HIS THINKING
Burma Shave

CAR IN DITCH
DRIVER IN TREE
THE MOON WAS FULL
AND SO WAS HE
Burma Shave

PASSING SCHOOL ZONE
TAKE IT SLOW
LET OUR LITTLE
SHAVERS GROW
Burma Shave

Do you remember any of these?

A Funny - Why Can't We Feed the Bears?

Why Can't We Feed The Bears?

The following views are actually suggestions and comments that have
been received by the National Forest Service from visitors to our
Nation's parks...

- "Need more signs to keep the park pristine."
- "Escalators would help on steep uphill areas of the hiking trails."
- "More families would enjoy the parks and city children could
learn more about nature if the Parks Department would provide
services that include arcades, water slides and child care."
- "A big hotel with a golf course and even a convention center
would attract more people to this natural beauty."
- "Instead of a permit system or fees, the Forest Service needs to
reduce worldwide population growth to limit the number of
visitors to the wilderness."
- "Trails need to be wider so people can walk while holding hands."
- "All the mile markers are missing this year."
- "We found a smoldering cigarette left by a horse."
- "Many trails need to be reconstructed. Please avoid building
ones that go uphill."
- "Too many bugs and leeches and spider webs. Please spray
wilderness areas to rid them of these pests."
- "Please pave the trails so they can be plowed of snow in
the winter."
- "Chair lifts need to be in some places so that we can get to the
wonderful views without having to hike to them."
- "The coyotes made too much noise last night and kept me awake.
Please eradicate these annoying animals."
- "It would be nice to have the Kodak scenic markers so we could
identify the photographic sites."
- "I like all the trees but you need to plant some flowers. Flower
gardens would be so pretty in the forest."
- "The giant trees are spectacular but there are too many of the
same kind; you should plant different types, for variety."
- "Reflectors need to be placed on the trees every 50 feet so people
could hike at night with flashlights."
- "You should have a petting zoo here so that the children could
touch the squirrels, deer and bears."
- "I was stung by a bee; you should have warning signs."
- "A McDonald's would be a nice sight at the trailhead."
- "The places where trails do not exist are not well marked."
- "Too many rocks on the mountains."
- "A deer came into my camp and stole my bag of chips.
Is there away I can get reimbursed: Please call... "

Real, Funny Comments on Police Car Videos...

Real, Funny Comments on Police Car Videos

1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than
the one you just went through."

2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new.
They'll stretch after you wear them a while."

3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your
birth certificate a worthless document."

4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because
that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."

6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means
I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"

7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it
will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

8. "Warning?! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not
to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you
are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where
you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn
dogs and step in monkey poop."

11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets
and my wife gets a toaster oven."

12. "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

13. "How big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"

14. No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now
we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend
of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail.."

AND THE WINNER IS.....

16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets?
You're right , we don't. Sign here."

Joke - You Were By My Side

You Were By My Side

This woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a
coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside
every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned
for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know
what? You have been with me through all of the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my
business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were
by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right there.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side.
You know what?"

"What dear?" she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to
fill with warmth.

"I think you are bad luck."

A Funny - Men verses Women

Men verses Women

NICKNAMES

If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch,
they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose.

If Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out, they will affectionately
refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.

EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will each throw in $20,
even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller,
and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.

BATHROOMS

A man has six items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream,
razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.
A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

CATS

Women love cats.

Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

FUTURE

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.

DRESSING UP

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants,
empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book,
and get the mail.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about
dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods,
secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two
people remembering the same thing.

A Funny - The Month After Christmas

The Month After Christmas

'Twas the month after Christmas, and all through the house
Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.
The cookies I’d nibble, the eggnog I’d taste
At the holiday parties had gone to my waist.
When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber).
I’d remember the marvelous meals I’d prepared;
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rare,
The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese,
And the way I’d never said, “No thank you, please.”
As I dressed myself in my husband’s old shirt
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt -
I said to myself, as I only can, “You can’t spend
a winter disguised as a man!”
So - away with the last of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip,
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished,
‘Til all the additional ounces have vanished.
I won’t have a cookie - not even a lick.
I’ll want only to chew on a long celery stick.
I won’t have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie.
I’ll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.
I’m hungry, I’m lonesome, and life is a bore -
But isn’t that what January is for?
Unable to giggle, not long a riot,
Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!

Joke - The Perfect Pet

The Perfect Pet

A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he
wants to buy a pet that can do everything. The shop
owner suggests a faithful dog.

The man replies, "Come on, a dog?"

The owner says, "How about a cat?"

The man replies, "No way! A cat certainly can't do
everything. I want a pet that can do everything!"

The shop owner thinks for a minute, then says,
"I've got it! A centipede!"

The man says, "A centipede? I can't imagine a centipede
doing everything, but okay. I'll try a centipede."

He gets the centipede home and says to
the centipede, "Clean the kitchen."

Thirty minutes later, he walks into the kitchen and it's
immaculate! All the dishes and silverware have been washed,
dried, and put away; the countertops cleaned; the appliances
sparkling; the floor waxed. He's absolutely amazed.

He says to the centipede, "Go clean the living room."

Twenty minutes later, he walks into the living room.
The carpet has been vacuumed; the furniture cleaned and dusted;
the pillows on the sofa plumped; and the plants watered. The man
thinks to himself, "This is the most amazing thing I've ever seen.
This really is a pet that can do everything!"

Next he says to the centipede, "Run down to
the corner and get me a newspaper."

The centipede walks out the door. Ten minutes later,
no centipede. Twenty minutes later, no centipede.
Thirty minutes later, no centipede.

By this point, the man is wondering what's going on.
So he goes to the front door, opens it, and there's the
centipede sitting right outside.

The man says, "Hey! I sent you down to the corner
store 45 minutes ago to get me a newspaper.
What's the matter?!"

The centipede says, "I'm going! I'm going!
I'm just putting on my shoes!"

Joke- Do I Smell Gas?

Do I Smell Gas?

Two gas company servicemen, a training supervisor and a young
trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood.
They parked their truck at the end of the alley and worked their
way to the other end. At the last house a woman looking out
her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked her
gas meter. Finishing the meter check, the supervisor challenged
his younger co-worker to a footrace down the alley back to the
truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one.

As they came running up to the truck, they realized the
lady from the last house was huffing and puffing right
behind them. Naturally, they stopped and asked
her what was wrong.

Gasping for breath, she replied, "When I see two gas
men running as hard as you two were, I just knew I'd
better run too!"

Joke - The Blonde Detectives

The Blonde Detectives

A policeman was interrogating three blondes who were training to
become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect,
he shows them a picture, then hides it.

"This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first blonde answers, "That's easy, we'll catch
him fast because he only has one eye!"

The policeman says, "Well... uh... that's because
the picture shows his profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the
picture for five seconds at the second blonde and asks her,
"This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, "Ha!
He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"

The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you
two?? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing
because it's a picture of his profile! Is that the best answer
you can come up with?"

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to
the third blonde and in a very test voice asks, "This is your
suspect, how would you recognize him?" He quickly adds,
"Think hard before giving me a stupid answer."

The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and
says, "The suspect wears contact lenses!"

The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really
doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.

"Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes
while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."

He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file
in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.

"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does in fact
wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make
such an astute observation?"

"That's easy," the blonde replied. "He can't wear regular
glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."

Joke - The Hot Mama Machine

The Hot Mama Machine

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost
everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move.

"Father?" asked the boy.

The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have
never seen anything like this in my life. I don't know what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair
rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady
rolled between them and into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his
father watched small circles of light with numbers above the wall light up. They
continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened
up again and a beautiful 24-year-old woman stepped out.

The father said to his son, "Go get your mother!"

Joke - Farmer's Divorce

Farmer's Divorce

A farmer walks into an attorney's office wanting
to file for a divorce. The attorney asks, "May I help you?"

The farmer answers, "Yea, I want to get
one of those day-vorce's."

The attorney asks, "Well, do you have any grounds?"

The farmer replies, "Yea, I got about 140 acres."

The attorney says, "No, you don't understand,
do you have a case?"

The farmer says, "No, I don't have a Case,
but I got a John Deere."

"No you don't understand," replies the attorney,
"I mean do you have a grudge?"

The farmer says, "Yea I got a grudge,
that's where I park my John Deere."

The attorney says, "No sir, I mean
do you have a suit?"

The farmer replies, "Yes sir, I got a suit.
I wear to the church on Sundays."

The exasperated attorney asks, "Well sir, does
your wife beat you up or anything?"

The farmer replies, "No sir, we both
get up about 4:30."

Finally the attorney asks, "Okay, let me put it
this way - WHY DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE?"

And the farmer answers, "Well, I can never
have a meaningful conversation with her."

Joke - New Year's Eve Lecture

New Year's Eve Lecture

On New Year's Eve, Daniel was in no shape to drive, so he sensibly left his van in the
car park and walked home. As he was wobbling along, he was stopped by a policeman.
"What are you doing out here at four o'clock in the morning?" asked the police officer.

"I'm on my way to a lecture," answered Roger.

"And who on earth, in their right mind, is going to give a lecture at this
time on New Year's Eve?" enquired the constable sarcastically.

"My wife," slurred Daniel grimly.


Val

A Funny...

There was a concert in Central Park, New York City on a chilly and windy day. The last work on the program was Schubert's Symphony #9. During the intermission the wind was blowing the pages of the music around so the librarian took some string and attached them to the music stands. It was so cold the two trumpet players found their lips were sticking to their mouth pieces, so they had to go home, and the entire bass violin section went across the street to a bar to warm up.

So when the intermission was over and the conductor stepped up to the podium it was the top of the ninth, the scores were tied, there were two men out and the basses were loaded.

Thanks to DB for this joke!

Joke - Dog or Dawg?

Dog or Dawg?

To all you dog lovers out there and those who understand
the difference between Yankees and Southerners...

A Translation Of Yankee Dogs To Southern Dawgs

(Yankee) German Shepherd Dog
(Southern) Poh-leece Dawg

(Yankee) Poodle
(Southern) Circus Dawg

(Yankee) St. Bernard
(Southern) "Thank Gawd, Here Comes
The Whiskey Dawg"

(Yankee) Doberman Pinscher
(Southern) Bad Dawg or Dobimin Pinches

(Yankee) Beagle
(Southern) Rabbit Dawg

(Yankee) Rottweiler
(Southern) Bad Dawg AND Mean As Heck Dawg,
Good Dawg To Guard The Still

(Yankee) Yellow Lab
(Southern) Ol' Yeller Dawg

(Yankee) Black Lab
(Southern) Duck Fetchin' Dawg

(Yankee) Greyhound
(Southern) Greased Lightnin' Dawg

(Yankee) Malinois
(Southern) Another Kind Of Poh-leece Dawg

(Yankee) Blue Ticks, Red Bones, etc.
(Southern) Prize Coon Dawgs

(Yankee) Pekinese
(Southern) Mop Dawg

(Yankee) Chinese Crested
(Southern) Nekkid Dawg

(Yankee) Dachshund
(Southern) Wienie Dawg

(Yankee) Siberian Husky
(Southern) Sled-Pullin' Dawg

(Yankee) Bouvier, Komondor
(Southern) "What The Heck Kinda
Dawg Is That?"

(Yankee) Great Dane, Mastiff
(Southern) Danged BIG Dawg

(Yankee) Any Dog That Raids The Hen House
(Southern) Egg-Suckin' Dawg

(Yankee) Any Lazy Dog
(Southern) Good Fer Nothin' Dawg

(Yankee) Any Dog That's Dead & Buried & Gone
To Rainbow Bridge
(Southern) Best Danged Dawg I Ever Had

Joke - Good at Ice Fishing

Good at Ice Fishing

Two men are out on a frozen lake ice fishing. One man had been out on the lake for over two hours and hadn't gotten a single bite. The other man, about a dozen feet away, had been on the lake for about half an hour and already had almost a bucket-full.

This disturbed the other man greatly, so he walked over to him and asked, "Excuse me, sir, but I'd been out 'ere fer a mighty long time and I ain't caught nuthin'. How do you catch all them fish?"

The other man looked at him and said, "Mummmummhummmummhummhmummm."

"What did you say?"

"Mummhummmummhummmumnmunhumm," mumbled the busy fisherman.

"Sir, you got a speech impediment? I can't hear a darn word yer sayin'!"

The fisherman pointed his finger up, indicating to wait a minute. He pulled and reeled in his line and pulled and reeled in, and he caught another fish.

"OK, darn it. Either tell me now or else," said the angry 'amateur'.

As the 'expert' removed the fish from the hook, he looked at the unfortunate man standing beside him. He put the fishing pole down and took a large wad of something out of his mouth. "You have the keep the worms warm," he answered.

Joke and Lesson - The Joy of Saying Nothing

The Joy of Saying NOTHING

Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members did not approve of her extra-curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.

She made a mistake, however, when she accused Elmer, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon. She emphatically told Elmer (and several others) that everyone seeing it there would know exactly what he was doing!

Elmer, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny... He said nothing.

Later that evening, Elmer quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house... walked home... and left it there all night.

You gotta love Elmer!

(Thanks, Sharon!)

Joke - The Cemetery Shortcut

The Cemetery Shortcut

One dark night two men were walking home after a party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs.

Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows.

Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.

"Holy cow, mister," one of them said after catching his breath,
"You scared us half to death! We thought you were a ghost!
What are you doing working here so late at night?"

"Those fools!" the old man grumbled, "They misspelled my name!"

Funny poem...

The computer swallowed grandma.
Yes, honestly its true!
She pressed 'control and 'enter'
And disappeared from view.
It devoured her completely,
The thought just makes me squirm.
She must have caught a virus
Or been eaten by a worm.
I've searched through the recycle bin
And files of every kind;
I've even used the Internet,
But nothing did I find.
In desperation, I asked Jeeves
My searches to refine.
The reply from him was negative,
Not a thing was found online.'
So, if inside your 'Inbox',
My Grandma you should see,
Please 'Copy, Scan' and 'Paste' her
And send her back to me.

Veteran's Day Humor

In honor of Veteran's Day here in the U.S, I found this on About.com:

(Note: This was an actual letter sent to a major newspaper)

Dear Editor,

Today is Veterans Day, so I asked someone who had been in the Armed Service what he did in the military. He said, "I was in the Pacific Theater." I asked him if any other GIs were with him. He said "Yes, there were thousands of us in the Pacific Theater." I asked him how much time he spent in the Pacific Theater. He said that he was in the Pacific Theater every day for five months!

I certainly believe that our fighting men need some recreation, but I think that they don't need to be in the movie theater that long. Back in 1944, for example, our boys in uniform were having a tough time on the beaches of Norway - yet there were thousands of GIs off in the movie theater who could have been helping out. And as a Concerned American, I think it is a bit excessive for a serviceman to be at the picture show every day for five months. Of course, all Veterans were not in the Pacific Theater, and we should be proud of those who fought and who made sacrifices.

A Concerned American

"I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought,

but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones."
- Albert Einstein