Joke - Christmas Shopping for Men...

Christmas Shopping for Men

Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is for women.
Follow these rules and you should have no problems...

Rule #1
When in doubt – buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one.
I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never
have too many cordless drills. No one knows why.

Rule #2
If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or
socket in it. Men love saying those two words. “Hey George, can I borrow your
ratchet?” “OK. By the way, are you done with my 3/8-inch socket yet?” Again,
no one knows why.

Rule #3
If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. A 99-cent ice scraper,
a small bottle of de-icer, or something to hang from his rear-view mirror. Men love
gifts for their cars. No one knows why.

Rule #4
Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy men bathrobes. I was
told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he would not have invented
Jockey shorts.

Rule #5
You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out. If
you have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen TV with the little picture in the
corner. Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips.

Rule #6
Do not buy a man any of those fancy liqueurs. If you do, it will sit in a cupboard
for 23 years. Real men drink whiskey or beer.

Rule #7
Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after shave or deodorant. I’m told
they do not stink – they are earthy.

Rule #8
Buy men label makers. They are almost as good as cordless drills. Within a couple
of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. “Socks. Shorts. Cups.
Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink.” You get the idea. No one knows why.

Rule #9
Never buy a man anything that says “some assembly required” on the box. It will
ruin his Special Day and he will always have parts left over.

Rule #10
Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works, Parr Lumber, Home
Depot, John Deere, Valley RV Center, and Les Schwab Tire. NAPA Auto Parts and
Sear’s Clearance Centers are also excellent men’s stores. It doesn’t matter if he
doesn’t know what it is. “From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need. Hey,
isn’t this a starter for a ‘68 Ford Fairlane?! Wow! Thanks!!”)

Rule #11
Men enjoy danger. That’s why they never cook – but they will barbecue. Get him
a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks.
Oh the thrill! The challenge! "Who wants a hamburger?”

Rule #12
Tickets to a Red Wing/Lions/Pistons/Tigers game are a smart gift. However, he will
not appreciate tickets to “A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts”. Everyone knows
why.

Rule #13
Men love chain saws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chain saw. If you don’t know
why – please refer to Rule #8 and what happens when he gets a label maker.

Rule #14
It’s hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder. Never
buy a real man a step ladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one knows why.

Rule #15
Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at least The Boy
Scouts. Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8" manilla rope. No one knows
why.