Other Ways To Use The Thanksgiving Turkey...

Other Ways To Use The Thanksgiving Turkey

* As a blunt object to fend off your pesky cousins.

* As a hood ornament.

* As a disguise so your ugly Aunt Beatrice can't kiss you

and say, "My how you've grown!"

* As a football for the after-meal game.

* One word... bowling!

* As yet another object to drop from the top of the dorm

to test the range of the splatter upon impact.

* As a Christmas gift (avoid the holiday crowds this way!).

* As a doorstop to keep your relatives out.

* Makes a great doggie chew toy.

* Fill it with whipped cream - watch the fun.

* Bury it in the yard for future midnight snacks.

* If you're flying home, take the carcass as a carry-on and

see what it looks like in the X-ray machine.

* Better yet, put it in a pet carrier and ask the

flight attendant for some chicken feed.

* Wear as a helmet, declaring, "I'm TURKEYMAN!"

* Before serving, paste feathers on the poor, naked creature.

* Place a speaker inside the bird, and from another room,

amaze your guests with the talking fowl.

* Throw the turkey out the window yelling,

"You're FREE! Fly! FLY!"

* Two words: turkey puppet.

* Attach to a fishing pole, slowly drive around the neighborhood

in the back of a pickup and see how many dogs follow you.

* From a concealed location, toss in front of a passing car.

When they stop, run out screaming that they hit your dog!

* As in an old murder mystery, question all the dinner guests

in an attempt to discover who killed the guest of honor.

The 12 Days of Thanksgiving...

The 12 Days Of Thanksgiving

On the First Day...

We give thanks for the fresh turkey feast

and its hot trimmings.

On the Second Day...

We bless the cold turkey sandwiches,

sloshy cranberry sauce, and hard rolls.

On the Third Day...

We praise the turkey pie and

vintage mixed veggies.

On the Fourth Day...

We thank the pilgrims for not serving bison

that first time, or we'd be celebrating

Thanksgiving until April.

On the Fifth Day...

We gobble up cubed bird casserole and

pray for a glimpse of naked, turkey carcass.

On the Sixth Day...

We show gratitude (sort of) to the creative cook

who slings cashews at the turkey and calls it Oriental.

On the Seventh Day...

We forgive our forefathers and pass

the turkey-nugget pizza.

On the Eighth Day...

The word 'vegetarian' keeps popping

into our heads.

On the Ninth Day...

We check our hair to make sure we're not

beginning to sprout feathers.

On the Tenth Day...

We hope that the wing-meat kabobs

catch fire under the broiler.

On the Eleventh Day...

We smile over the creamed gizzard because

the thigh bones are in sight.

On the Twelfth Day...

We apologize for running out of turkey leftovers.

And everybody says, "Amen!"

- Author Unknown

Thanksgiving Joke - The Parrot...

The Parrot

(A Thanksgiving classic)

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift.

The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary.

Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and

laced with profanity. John tried very hard to change the

bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words,

playing soft music, and doing anything else he could think of

to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary. Finally, John was fed

up and he screamed at the parrot.

The parrot yelled back. John hollered even louder and the

parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation,

threw up his hands, grabbed the bird and put him in the

freezer.

For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and

screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep

was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the

parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer.

The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched

arms and said, "I believe I may have offended you with my

rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my

inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do

everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable

behavior."

John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude.

As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a

dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued,

"May I ask what the turkey did?"

A Funny - Turkey Survival...

Turkey Survival

When I was a young turkey, new to the coop,

My big brother Mike took me out on the stoop,

Then he sat me down, and he spoke real slow,

And said there was something I needed to know;

His look and his tone I will always remember,

When he told me of the horrors of... Black November;

"Come about August, now listen to me,

Each day you'll be thick, where once you were thin,

And you'll grow a big rubbery thing under your chin."

"And then one morning, when you're warm in your bed,

In'll burst the farmer's wife, and hack off your head;"

"Then she'll pluck out all your feathers so you're bald'n pink,

And scoop out all your insides and leave ya lyin' in the sink,"

"And then comes the worst part," he said not bluffing,

"She'll spread your cheeks and pack your rear with stuffing."

Well, the rest of his words were too grim to repeat,

I sat on the stoop like a winged piece of meat,

And decided on the spot that to avoid being cooked,

I'd have to lay low and remain overlooked;

I began a new diet of nuts and granola,

High-roughage salads, juice and diet cola,

And as they ate pastries, chocolates and crepes,

I stayed in my room doing Jane Fonda tapes.

I maintained my weight of two pounds and a half,

And tried not to notice when the bigger birds laughed;

But 'twas I who was laughing, under my breath,

As they chomped and they chewed, ever closer to death;

And sure enough when Black November rolled around,

I was the last turkey left in the entire compound;

So now I'm a pet in the farmer's wife's lap;

I haven't a worry, so I eat and I nap.

She held me today, while sewing and humming,

And smiled at me and said, "Christmas is coming... "

- Author Unknown

Thanksgiving Humor...

Thanksgiving-Themed Movies

1. To Kill a Walking Bird
2. My Best Friend's Dressing
3. The Texas Coleslaw Massacre
4. Casserolablanca
5. The Fabulous Baster Boys
6. 12 Hungry Men
7. Silence of the Yams
8. For Love of the Game Hen
9. I Know What You Ate Last Winter
10. All the President's Menu
11. White Meat Can't Jump
12. When Harry Met Salad
13. The Wing and I


The List

Planning a weekend of entertaining guests, I made a list of things I needed to do,
including taking food out of the freezer and grocery shopping.

As it happened, a friend whom I have been promising to take to lunch, asked if we
could make it that Friday. So, hopping into the car, I taped my list to the dash-
board and went and picked her up.

As she settled into the car her face dropped. "Thanks a lot!" she cried. Then I
glanced at my list and saw the first item: "Take out the Turkey".

Maxine Thanksgiving...

Maxine Celebrates Thanksgiving




Note: I wanted to let you know that I posted twice today in case you missed the
entry below. Also, I will be posting a holiday TV special schedule in this blog. Each
Monday I will give you a week's worth of specials! Stay tuned! I hope everyone is
having a lovely weekend... Sending joy... Val =)

A Funny - The 12 Days of Thanksgiving...

The 12 Days Of Thanksgiving

On the First Day...
We give thanks for the fresh turkey feast
and its hot trimmings.

On the Second Day...
We bless the cold turkey sandwiches,
sloshy cranberry sauce, and hard rolls.

On the Third Day...
We praise the turkey pie
and vintage mixed veggies.

On the Fourth Day...
We thank the pilgrims for not serving bison
that first time, or we'd be celebrating
Thanksgiving until April.

On the Fifth Day...
We gobble up cubed bird casserole and
pray for a glimpse of naked turkey carcass.

On the Sixth Day...
We show gratitude (sort of) to the creative cook
who slings cashews at the turkey and calls it Oriental.

On the Seventh Day...
We forgive our forefathers and pass
the turkey-nugget pizza.

On the Eighth Day...
The word ''vegetarian'' keeps popping into our heads.

On the Ninth Day...
We check our hair to make sure we're not
beginning to sprout feathers.

On the Tenth Day...
We hope that the wing meat kabobs
catch fire under the broiler.

On the Eleventh Day...
We smile over the creamed gizzard because
the thigh bones are in sight.

On the Twelfth Day...
We apologize for running out of turkey leftovers.
And everybody says Amen.

Thanksgiving Humor...

Thanksgiving Dinner Prepared By Children

actual Thanksgiving recipes given by kids in a kindergarten class...

A Thanksgiving Cookbook
- by Mrs. Geraghty's Kindergarten Class

NOTE: Mrs. Geraghty will not be reponsible for medical bills resulting from use of her
cookbook.

Ivette - Banana Pie
You buy some bananas and crust. Then you mash them up and put them in the pie.
Then you eat it.

Russell - Turkey
You cut the turkey up and put it in the oven for ten minutes and 300 degrees. You put
gravy on it and eat it.

Geremy - Turkey
You buy the turkey and take the paper off. Then you put it in the refrigerator and
take it back out and cut it with a knife and make sure all the wires are out and take
out the neck and heart. Then you put it in a big pan and cook it for half an hour at
80 degrees. Then you invite people over and eat.

Andrew - Pizza
Buy some dough, some cheese and pepperoni. Then you cook it for 10 hours at 5
degrees. Then you eat it.

Shelby - Applesauce
Go to the store and buy some apples, and then you squish them up. Then you put them
in a jar that says, "Applesauce". Then you eat it.

Meghan H. - Turkey
You cut it into 16 pieces and then you leave it in the oven for 15 minutes and 4 degrees.
You take it out and let it cool and then after 5 minutes, then you eat it.

Danny - Turkey
You put some salt on it to make it taste good. Then you put it in the oven. Then you
cook it for an hour at 5 degrees. Then you eat it.

Brandon - Turkey
First you buy it at Fred Meyer. Then you cut it up and cook it for 15 hours at 200 degrees.
Then you take it out and eat it.

Megan K - Chicken
You put it in the oven for 25 minutes and 25 degrees and put gravy on it and eat it.

Christa - Cookies
Buy some dough and smash it and cut them out. Then put them in the oven for 2 hours
at 100 degrees. Then take them out and dry them off. Then it's time to eat them.

Irene - Turkey
Put it on a plate and put it in the oven with gravy. You cook it for 1 minute and for
100 degrees. Then it's all cooked. Your mom or dad cuts it and then eat.

Moriah - Turkey
First you cut the bones out. Then you put it in the oven for 10 hours at 600 degrees.
Then you put it on the table and eat it.

Vincent - Turkey
You cut and put sauce on it. Then you cook it for 18 minutes at 19 degrees . Then you
eat it with stuffing.

Jordyn - Turkey
First you have to cut it up and put it on a plate in the oven for 9 minutes and 18 degrees.
Then you dig it out of the oven and eat it.

Grace - Turkey
First you add some salt. Then you put it in a bowl. Then you put brown sugar on it.
Then you mix it all together with a spoon and then you add some milk and mix it again.
And then you put it in a pan. Then you put it in the oven for 15 minutes and 16 degrees.
Then you take it out of the oven and then you eat it.

Alan - Turkey
First you shoot it and then you cut it. And then you put it in the oven and cook it for
10 minutes and 20 degrees. You put it on plates and then you eat it.

Jordan Salvatore - Turkey
First you put it in the oven for 15 minutes at 100 degrees. Then you cut it up and then
you eat it.

Jordan Simons - Chocolate Pudding
Buy some chocolate pudding mix. Then you add the milk. Then you add the pudding
mix. Then you stir it. Then you put it in the refrigerator and wait for it to get hard.
Then you eat it.

Whitney - Turkey
Cut it and put it in the oven for 50 minutes at 60 degrees and then you eat it.

Jason - Chicken Pie
Put the chicken in the pot and put the salad and cheese and mustard and then you mix
it all together. Then put chicken sauce and stir it all around again. Then you cook it
for 5 minutes at 9 degrees. Then you eat it.

Christopher - Pumpkin Pie
First you buy a pumpkin and smash it. Then it is all done. And you cook it in the oven
for 12 minutes and 4 degrees. Then you eat it.

Christine - Turkey
First you buy the turkey. Then you cook it for 5 hours and 5 degrees. Then you cut it
up and you eat it.

Ashley - Chicken
Put it in the oven. Then cut it up. Then I eat it.

Jennie - Corn
My mom buys it. Then you throw it. Then you cook it. Then you eat it.

Jordan - Cranberry Pie
Put cranberry juice in it. Then you put berries in it. Then you put dough in it. Then
you bake it. Then you eat it.

Adam - Pumpkin Pie
First you put pumpkin seeds in it. Put it in a pan and bake it at 5 degrees for 6 minutes.
Then take it out and eat it.

Jarryd - Deer Jerky
Put it in the oven overnight at 20 degrees. Then you go hunting and bring it with you.
Then you eat it.

Christina - Turkey
Get the turkey. Put it in the oven. Cook it for 43 minutes at 35 degrees. Put it on a
plate, cut it up, then eat it.

Joplyn - Apple Pie
Take some apples, mash them up. Take some bread and make a pie with it. Get some
dough and squish it. Shape the dough into a pie shape. Put the apples in it. Then bake
it at 9 degrees for 15 minutes.

Isabelle - Spaghetti
Put those red things in it. Then put the spaghetti in it. Then cook it in the oven for
2 minutes at 8 degrees.

Bailey - Chicken
Put pepper and spices on it. Cook for one hour at 60 degrees. Then eat it.

Nicholas - White and Brown Pudding
First you read the wrapper. Get a piece of water. Stir. Then you eat it.

Sean - Turkey
Put it in the oven for 5 minutes at 55 degrees. Take it out and eat it.

Lauren - Turkey
First you find a turkey and kill it. Cut it open. Put it in a pan. Pour milk in the pan.
Put a little chicken with it. Put salsa on it. Take out of pan. Put it on the board. Cut
into little pieces. Put on a rack. Put in the oven for 7 minutes at 10 degrees. Take out
of the oven and put eensy weensy bit of sugar on it. Put a little more salsa on it. Then
you eat it.

Olivia - Corn
Get hot water and put on stove. Wait for 8 minutes. Put corn in. Then put it on a
plate. Then eat.

Siera - Pumpkin Pie
Get some pumpkin and dough for the crust. Get pumpkin pie cinnamon. Cook it for
20 minutes at 10 degrees.

Kayla - Turkey
Buy it. Take it home. Then you cook it. Put it in the oven for 1 hour. Take it out of
the oven. Put it on a plate. Then you eat it.

Tommy - Pumpkin
Cook the pumpkin. Then get ready to eat the pumpkin.

Wai - Pumpkin Pie
Get a pumpkin. Cook it. Eat it.

Thanksgiving Humor...

Forgetful Turkey Shopper

It's the day before Thanksgiving, and the butcher is just locking up when a man
begins pounding on the front door.

"Please let me in," says the man desperately. "I forgot to buy a turkey, and my wife
will kill me if I don't come home with one."

"Okay," says the butcher, "Let me see what I have left."

He goes into the freezer and discovers that there's only one scrawny turkey left.
He brings it out to show the man.

"That's too skinny. What else you got?" says the man.

The butcher takes the bird back into the freezer and waits a few minutes and brings
the same turkey back out to the man.

"Oh, no," says the man, "That one doesn't look any better. You better give me both of
them!"

A Better Turkey

A turkey farmer was always experimenting with breeding to make a better turkey.
His family was fond of the leg portion for dinner and there were never enough legs
for everyone.

After many frustrating attempts, the farmer was relating the results of his efforts
to his friends at the General Store get-together. "Well I finally did it! I bred a turkey
that has 6 legs!"

They all asked the farmer how it tasted.

"I don't know," said the farmer. "I never could catch the darn thing!"

Thanksgiving puns and a joke...

Thanksgiving Puns

What did the mama turkey say to her naughty son?
If your papa could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!

What do you get when you cross a turkey with an octopus?
Enough drumsticks for Thanksgiving

How can you make a turkey float?
You need 2 scoops of ice cream, some root beer, and a turkey

What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day?
God Save The Kin

Can a turkey jump higher than the Empire State Building?
Yes - a building can't jump at all

Where did the first corn come from?
The stalk brought it

Why did the Indian chief wear so many feathers?
To keep his wigwam

What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian?
He had an arrow escape

Why did the turkey cross the road?
It was the chicken's day off
It was stapled to the chicken
To get away from the turkey hunter

If the Pilgrims were alive today,
what would they be most famous for?
Their AGE!

The gobbler said, "Doctor, help me! I can't stop acting like a turkey!"

"I see," said the doctor. "How long have you had this problem?"

"Let me think a second. Mom laid the egg in 1954... "

Thanksgiving Riddles and Puns and a Joke

Thanksgiving Riddles and Puns

Q: What did the mama turkey say to her naughty son?
A: If your papa could see you now,
he'd turn over in his gravy!

Q: What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day?
A: God save the kin.

Q: What key has legs and can't open doors?
A: Turkey.

Q: If April showers bring May flowers,
what do May flowers bring?
A: Pilgrims!

Q: Why did the turkey cross the road?
A: It was the chicken's day off.

Q: If the Pilgrims were alive today,
what would they be most famous for?
A: Their AGE!

Q: Why can't you take a turkey to church?
A: Because they use such FOWL language.

Q: Can a turkey jump higher than the Empire State Building?
A: Yes - a building can't jump at all.

Q: What do you get when you cross a turkey with an octopus?
A: Enough drumsticks for Thanksgiving.

Q: How can you make a turkey float?
A: You need 2 scoops of ice cream,
some root beer, and a turkey.

Q: What kind of music did the Pilgrims like?
A: Plymouth Rock.

Q: Which side of the turkey has the most feathers?
A: The outside.

Q: Where did the first corn come from?
A: The stalk brought it.

Q: Why did the Indian chief wear so many feathers?
A: To keep his wigwam.

Q: What happened to the Pilgrim who
was shot at by an Indian?
A: He had an arrow escape.

Q: How did the Mayflower show that it liked America?
A: It hugged the shore.





The man who forgot to buy a turkey for Thanksgiving


It's the day before Thanksgiving, and the butcher is just locking up
when a man begins pounding on the front door.

"Please let me in," says the man desperately, "I forgot to buy a
turkey, and my wife will kill me if I don't come home with one."

"Okay," says the butcher, "Let me see what I have left."
He goes into the freezer and discovers that there's one last
scrawny turkey left. He brings it out to show the man.

"That's one is too skinny. What else you got?" asks the man.

The butcher takes the bird back into the freezer and waits
a few minutes and brings the same turkey back out to the man.

"Oh, no," says the man, "That one doesn't look any better.
You better give me both of them!"

From my home to yours, Wishing you and yours a
very warm and wonderful and Happy Thanksgiving!!
Love, Valerie xox

Joke - Thanksgiving Divorce

Thanksgiving Divorce

A man in Dallas calls his son, Eddie, in New York just before Thanksgiving and tells him, "I am sorry to tell you but your mother and I are getting a divorce. I just cannot take any more of her moaning. We can't stand the sight of each other any more. I am telling you first, Eddie, because you are the eldest, please tell your sister."

When Eddie calls his sister Julie, she says, "No way are they getting divorced! I will go over and see them for Thanksgiving."

Julie phones here parents and tells them both, "You must NOT get divorced. Promise you won't do anything until I get there. I'm calling Eddie, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't take any action, please listen to me!" and hangs up.

The father puts down the phone and turns to his wife and says, "Good news! Eddie and Julie are coming for Thanksgiving and they are both paying their own way."

Thanksgiving Giggles!

Six - Legged Turkey

An industrious turkey farmer was always experimenting with
breeding to perfect a better turkey.

His family was fond of the leg portion for dinner and there were never
enough legs for everyone. After many frustrating attempts, the farmer
was relating the results of his efforts to his friends at the general store
get-together.

"Well, I finally did it! I bred a turkey that has six legs!!"

They all asked the farmer how it tasted.

"I don't know," said the farmer, "I never could catch the darn thing!"




Grocery Store Turkey

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store,
but couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked the stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"

The stock boy answered, "No ma'am they're dead."




Bruno

Little Bruno was sitting in his grandmother's kitchen,
watching her prepare the Thanksgiving meal.

"What are you doing?" Bruno asked

"Oh, I'm just stuffing the turkey," his grandmother replied.

"That's cool!" Bruno said.
"Are you going to hang it next to the deer?"




Turkey Man

A man said, "Doctor, help me! I can't stop acting like a turkey!"

"I see," said the doctor. "How long have you had this problem?"

"Let me think a second. Mom laid the egg in 1954..."