Thanksgiving Giggles!

Six - Legged Turkey

An industrious turkey farmer was always experimenting with
breeding to perfect a better turkey.

His family was fond of the leg portion for dinner and there were never
enough legs for everyone. After many frustrating attempts, the farmer
was relating the results of his efforts to his friends at the general store
get-together.

"Well, I finally did it! I bred a turkey that has six legs!!"

They all asked the farmer how it tasted.

"I don't know," said the farmer, "I never could catch the darn thing!"




Grocery Store Turkey

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store,
but couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked the stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"

The stock boy answered, "No ma'am they're dead."




Bruno

Little Bruno was sitting in his grandmother's kitchen,
watching her prepare the Thanksgiving meal.

"What are you doing?" Bruno asked

"Oh, I'm just stuffing the turkey," his grandmother replied.

"That's cool!" Bruno said.
"Are you going to hang it next to the deer?"




Turkey Man

A man said, "Doctor, help me! I can't stop acting like a turkey!"

"I see," said the doctor. "How long have you had this problem?"

"Let me think a second. Mom laid the egg in 1954..."

Halloween Quotes

Halloween Quotes

"Today you can be
anything you imagine."
- Author Unknown

"Double, double toil and trouble,
fire burn and cauldron bubble."
- William Shakespeare (Macbeth)


"I'll bet living in a nudist colony takes
all the fun out of Halloween!"
- Charles Swartz

"One need not be a chamber to be haunted;
One need not be a house; The brain has corridors
surpassing Material place."
- Emily Dickinson

"On Halloween, their parents sent their
kids out looking like me."
- Rodney Dangerfield

"I would rather sit on a pumpkin
and have it all to myself than be
crowded on a velvet cushion."
- Henry David Thoreau

"There are three things I have
learned never to discuss with people:
religion, politics and the Great Pumpkin."
- Linus Van Pelt (It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown)

"If a man harbors any sort of fear,
it makes him landlord to a ghost.
- Lloyd Douglas

"Shadows of a thousand years rise again unseen,
voices whisper in the trees, "Tonight is Halloween!"
- Dexter Kozen

"Where there is no imagination
there is no horror."
- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

"On Hallowe'en the thing
you must do
Is pretend that nothing
can frighten you
An' if somethin' scares you
and you want to run
Jus' let on like
it's Hallowe'en fun."
- An Early Nineteenth Century Halloween Postcard

Fun Halloween Quotes!...

Fun Halloween Quotes

"Halloween was confusing.
All my life my parents said, 'Never take
candy from strangers.' And then they dressed
me up and said, 'Go beg for it.' I didn’t know
what to do! I’d knock on people’s doors and
go, 'Trick or treat.' 'No thank you.'"
- Rita Rudner

"Ghosts, like ladies, never speak
till spoke to."
- Richard Harris Barham

"This Halloween the most popular
mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask.
And the best part? With a mouth full of
candy you will sound just like him."
- Conan O'Brien

"There are nights when the wolves are
silent and only the moon howls."
- George Carlin

"Everyone is a moon and has a dark side,
which he never shows to anybody."
- Mark Twain

"I see my face in the mirror
and go, 'I'm a Halloween costume?
That's what they think of me?'"
- Drew Carey

"A grandmother pretends she doesn't
know who you are on Halloween."
- Erma Bombeck