Fun and Funny Quotes...

Fun and Funny Quotes by Famous People

"Be thankful we're not getting all the
government we're paying for."
- Will Rogers
~
"I can't understand why I flunked American history.
When I was a kid there was so little of it."
- George Burns
~
"The simplest toy, one that even the youngest child
can operate, is called a grandparent."
- Sam Levenson
~
"I don't care what is written about me
as long as it isn't true."
- Katherine Hepburn
~
"For fast acting relief, try slowing down."
- Lily Tomlin
~
"More than ever before, Americans are
suffering from back problems - back taxes,
back rent, back auto payments."
- Robert Orben
~
"You can make a lot of money in this game.
Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich
that neither of their husbands work."
- Lee Trevino
~
"By all means marry. If you get a good wife,
you'll become happy; if you get a bad one,
you'll become a philosopher."
- Socrates
~
"The person who writes for fools is always
sure of a large audience."
- Arthur Schopenhauer
~
"Drawing on my fine command of
the language, I said nothing."
- Robert Benchley
~
"Coffee isn't my cup of tea."
- Samuel Goldwyn
~
"I failed to make the chess team
because of my height."
- Woody Allen
~
"At my age, flowers scare me."
- George Burns

Short, Funny Quotes...

Short, Funny Quotes

"People who say they sleep like a baby
usually don't have one."
- Leo J. Burke
~
"I am fond of children - except boys."
- Lewis Carroll
~
"When I was a boy, the Dead Sea was only sick."
- George Burns
~
"I can resist everything except temptation."
- Oscar Wilde
~
"We could certainly slow the ageing process down if it
had to work its way through Congress."
- Will Rogers
~
"Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately
it kills all its pupils."
- Louis Hector Berlioz
~
"Money can't buy you happiness, but it does bring
you a more pleasant form of misery."
- Spike Milligan
~
"No, I don't have a solution, but I certainly
admire the problem."
- Ashleigh Brilliant
~
"If you can't be a good example, then you'll
just have to be a horrible warning."
- Catherine Aird
~
"Committee - a group of men who keep
minutes and waste hours."
- Milton Berle
~
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound
they make as they fly by."
- Douglas Adam
~
"If I were invited to a dinner party with
my characters, I wouldn’t show up."
- Dr Seuss