Joke - Kid's Live Truths...

Kids' Life Truths

1. When your mom is mad at your dad,
don't let her brush your hair.

2. If your sister or brother hits you, don't hit back.
Your parents always catch the one who hits back last.

3. Never ask your three-year-old brother to hold an egg.

4. Never trust a dog to watch your food.

5. Don't let your two-year-old brother cut your hair.

6. Doggies always have bad breath even
after eating a breath mint.

7. School lunches are not always nutritional.

8. School lunches often stick to the wall.

9. You can't hide your vegetables in a glass of milk.

10. You can't hide your vegetables under the table for the cat
or dog to eat - without getting punishment in your room.

11. You must always wear nice underwear in the car in case
you get in a car accident and everyone has to see it.
Grandma says so. Even Aunt and Mom sometimes agree.
What you wear outside the car is virtually unimportant,
just as long as nobody sees it.

A Funny - Kids Are Quick...

Kids Are Quick

Teacher: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
Maria: Here it is.
Teacher: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
Class: Maria.


Teacher: Why are you late, Frank?
Frank: Because of the sign.
Teacher: What sign?
Frank: The one that says, 'School Ahead, Go Slow'.


Teacher: John, why are you doing your math multiplication
on the floor?
John: You told me to do it without using tables.


Teacher: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile'?
Glenn: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L.
Teacher: No, that's wrong.
Glenn: Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.


Teacher: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
Donald: H I J K L M N O.
Teacher: What are you talking about?
Donald: Yesterday, you said it's H to O.


Teacher: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I'.
Millie: I is...
Teacher: No, Millie, always say, "I am."
Millie: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."


Teacher: George Washington not only chopped down his
father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do
you know why his father didn't punish him?
Louis: Because George still had the ax in his hand.


Teacher: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly
the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
Clyde: No, teacher, it's the same dog.


Teacher: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on
talking when people are no longer interested?
Harold: A teacher.

- thanks for this, DB (click to visit) !!

A Funny - Why We Love Children...

Why We Love Children

Nudity
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening
when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved.
She was stark naked!
As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my
5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom, that lady isn't wearing
a seat belt!"

Opinions
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note
from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child
are not necessarily those of his parents."

Ketchup
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her
struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to
answer it.
"Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's
hitting the bottle."

More Nudity
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker
room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies
grabbing towels and running for cover.
The little boy watched in amazement and then asked,
"What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"

Police
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the
station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking,
and I saw a little boy staring in at me.
"Is that a dog you got back there?" he asked.
"It sure is," I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van.
Finally he said, "What'd he do?"

Dress-Up
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw
her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear
that suit."
"And why not, darling?"
"You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning."

The Bible
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered
through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out. He picked up the
object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been
pressed in between the pages.
"Mama, look what I found," the boy called out.
"What have you got there, dear?"
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered,
"I think it's Adam's underwear!"