Joke - Top Ten Reasons Eve Was Created...

Top Ten Reasons Eve Was Created

10. God was worried that Adam would frequently become lost
in the garden because he would not ask for directions. 

  9. God knew that one day Adam would require someone to
locate and hand him the remote. 

  8. God knew Adam would never go out and buy himself a new
fig leaf when his wore out and would therefore need Eve
to buy one for him.

7. God knew Adam would never be able to make a doctor's,
dentist, or haircut appointment for himself.

6. God knew Adam would never remember which night to
put he garbage on the curb.

5. God knew if the world was to be populated, men would
never be able to handle the pain and discomfort of
child-bearing.

4. As the Keeper of the Garden, Adam would never
remember where he left his tools.

3. Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his troubles
on when God caught him hiding in the garden.

2. As the Bible says, It is not good for man to be alone!

1. When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back,
scratched His head, and said, "I can do better than that."

Joke - A Million...

A Million

A man was praying to God. He said, "God!?"

God responded, "Yes?"

The guy said, "Can I ask a question?"

"Go right ahead," God answered.

"God, what is a million years to you?"

God said, "A million years to me is only a second."

"Hmmm," the man wondered. Then he asked, "God,

what is a million dollars worth to you?"

God said, "A million dollars to me is as a penny."

So the man said, "God, can I have a penny?"

And God cheerfully said, "Sure, in a second!"

Joke - Visiting the Zoo...

Visiting the Zoo

Three mischievous boys skipped school one day and instead went
to the zoo for an outing.

They decided to visit the elephant cage first, but soon enough,
they were picked up by a zoo security officer for causing a
commotion.

The officer hauled them off to the Security Office for
questioning.

The supervisor in charge asked each of them to give their names
and explain what they were doing at the elephant cage.

The first boy innocently said, "Okay, my name is Gary, and I
was just throwing peanuts into the cage"

The second added, "My name is Larry, and all I was doing was
throwing peanuts into the elephant cage."

The third boy was a little more shaken up than his buddies and
said:

"Well, my name is Peter, but my friends call me Peanuts... "

Joke - My Father Wouldn't Like It...

My Father Wouldn't Like It

A clergyman is walking down a country lane and sees a young farmer
struggling to load hay back onto a cart after it had fallen off. "You
look hot, my son," said the cleric. "Why don't you rest a moment, and
I'll give you a hand."

"No thanks," said the young man, "my father wouldn't like it."

"Don't be silly," the minister replied. "Everyone is entitled to a break.
Come and have a drink of water."

Again the young man protested that his father would be upset.
Losing his patience, the clergyman said, "Your father must be a
real slave driver. Tell me where I can find him and I'll give him
a piece of my mind!"

"Well," replied the young farmer, "he's under the hay."

Joke - Kid's Live Truths...

Kids' Life Truths

1. When your mom is mad at your dad,
don't let her brush your hair.

2. If your sister or brother hits you, don't hit back.
Your parents always catch the one who hits back last.

3. Never ask your three-year-old brother to hold an egg.

4. Never trust a dog to watch your food.

5. Don't let your two-year-old brother cut your hair.

6. Doggies always have bad breath even
after eating a breath mint.

7. School lunches are not always nutritional.

8. School lunches often stick to the wall.

9. You can't hide your vegetables in a glass of milk.

10. You can't hide your vegetables under the table for the cat
or dog to eat - without getting punishment in your room.

11. You must always wear nice underwear in the car in case
you get in a car accident and everyone has to see it.
Grandma says so. Even Aunt and Mom sometimes agree.
What you wear outside the car is virtually unimportant,
just as long as nobody sees it.

Joke - 50th Anniversary...

50th Anniversary

While enjoying an early morning breakfast in a northern Arizona cafe,

four elderly ranchers were discussing everything from cattle, horses,

and weather, to how things used to be in the 'good ol' days'.

Eventually the conversation moved on to their spouses. One gentleman

turned to the fellow on his right and asked, "Roy, aren't you and your

bride celebrating your fiftieth wedding anniversary soon?"

"Yup, we sure are," Roy replied.

"Well, are you gonna do anything special to celebrate?"

another man asked.

The old gentleman pondered this for a moment, then replied,

"For our twenty-fifth anniversary, I took Bea to Tucson. Maybe

for our fiftieth, I'll go down there and get her."

Joke - A Helping Hand...

A Helping Hand

A minister is walking down the street one day when he notices a very

small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street.

However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him

to reach.

After watching the boy's efforts for some time, the minister moves

closer to the boy's position. He steps smartly across the street, walks

up behind the little fellow, and placing his hand kindly on the child's

shoulder, leans over and gives the doorbell a solid ring.

Crouching down to the child's level, the minister smiles benevolently

and asks, "And now what, my little man?"

To which the boy replies, "Now we run!"

A Funny - Kids Are Quick...

Kids Are Quick

Teacher: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
Maria: Here it is.
Teacher: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
Class: Maria.


Teacher: Why are you late, Frank?
Frank: Because of the sign.
Teacher: What sign?
Frank: The one that says, 'School Ahead, Go Slow'.


Teacher: John, why are you doing your math multiplication
on the floor?
John: You told me to do it without using tables.


Teacher: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile'?
Glenn: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L.
Teacher: No, that's wrong.
Glenn: Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.


Teacher: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
Donald: H I J K L M N O.
Teacher: What are you talking about?
Donald: Yesterday, you said it's H to O.


Teacher: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I'.
Millie: I is...
Teacher: No, Millie, always say, "I am."
Millie: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."


Teacher: George Washington not only chopped down his
father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do
you know why his father didn't punish him?
Louis: Because George still had the ax in his hand.


Teacher: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly
the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
Clyde: No, teacher, it's the same dog.


Teacher: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on
talking when people are no longer interested?
Harold: A teacher.

- thanks for this, DB (click to visit) !!

A Funny - The Story of Adam and Eve's Pets...

The Story of Adam and Eve's Pets

Adam and Eve said, "Lord, when we were in the garden, You walked

with us every day. Now we do not see You any more. We are lonesome

here, and it is difficult for us to remember how much You love us."

And God said, "I will create a companion for you that will be with

you and who will be a reflection of My love for you, so that you

will love Me even when you cannot see Me. Regardless of how selfish

or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept

you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves."

And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve.

And it was a good animal. And God was pleased.

And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he

wagged his tail and Adam said, "Lord, I have already named all the

animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this

new animal."

And God said, "I have created this new animal to be a reflection

of My love for you - his name will be a reflection of My own name,

and you will call him DOG."

And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and

loved them.

And they were comforted.

And God was pleased.

And Dog was content and wagged his tail.

After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said,

"Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and

preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration.

Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well."

And God said, "I will create for them a companion who will be with

them and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind

them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always

worthy of adoration."

And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve.

And Cat would not obey them. And when Adam and Eve gazed into

Cat's eyes, they were reminded that they were not the supreme

beings.

And Adam and Eve learned humility.

And they were greatly improved.

And God was pleased...

And Dog was happy...

And Cat didn't give a crap one way or the other...

Joke - Human Years...

Human Years

God created the mule, and told him, "You are mule. You will work

constantly from dusk to dawn, carrying heavy loads on your back.

You will eat grass and lack intelligence. You will live for 35 years."

The mule answered, "To live like this for 35 years is too much.

Please, give me no more than 20."

And it was so.

Then God created the dog, and told him, "You are dog. You will

hold vigilance over the dwellings of Man, to whom you will be

his greatest companion. You will eat his table scraps and live

for 30 years."

The dog responded, "Lord, to live 30 years as a dog like that is

too much. Please, no more than 10 years."

And it was so.

God then created the monkey, and told him, "You are monkey.

You shall swing from tree to tree, acting like an idiot. You will

be funny, and you shall live for 20 years."

The monkey responded, "Lord, to live 20 years as the clown of

the world is too much. Please, Lord, give me no more than 10

years."

And it was so.

Finally, God created Man and told him, "You are Man, the only

rational Being that walks the earth. You will use your intelligence

to have mastery over the creatures of the world. You will dominate

the earth and live for 20 years."

The man responded, "Lord, to be Man for only 20 years is too little.

Please, Lord; give me the 15 years the mule refused, the 20 years

the dog refused, and the 10 years the monkey rejected."

And so God made Man to live 20 years as a man, then marry and live

15 years like a mule working and carrying heavy loads on his back.

Then, he is to have children and live 20 years as a dog, guarding his

house and eating the leftovers after they empty the pantry; then, in

his old age, to live 10 years as a monkey, acting like an idiot to amuse

his grandchildren.

And it is so...

Joke - New Lease on Life...

New Lease on Life

In surgery after a heart attack, a middle-aged woman has a

vision of God by her bedside. "Will I die?" she asks.

God says, "No. You have 30 more years to live."

With 30 years to look forward to, she decides to make the

best of it. Since she’s in the hospital, she gets breast implants,

liposuction, a tummy tuck, hair transplants, and collagen

injections in her lips. She looks great!

The day she’s discharged, she exits the hospital with a swagger,

crosses the street, and is immediately hit by an ambulance and

killed.

Up in Heaven, she sees God. "You said I had 30 more years to

live," she complains.

"That’s true," says God.

"So what happened?"

God shrugs. "I didn’t recognize you."

Joke - Where is God?

Where is God?

A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were

excessively mischievous and always getting into trouble.

Their parents knew that if any mischief occurred in their

town, their sons were probably involved.

The boys' mother heard that a local clergyman had been

successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would

speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed, but asked to

see them individually.

The mother sent her 8-year-old in with the clergyman first.

The older boy's visit followed in the afternoon.

The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the

younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?"

The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response.

He sat frozen and wide-eyed.

So the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner

tone, "Where is God!!?"

Again the boy made no attempt to answer. So the
clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his
finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS
GOD!?!"

The boy screamed and bolted from the room and ran
directly home. He dove into his bedroom closet and
slammed the door behind him.

When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked,

"What happened?"

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We

are in BIG trouble this time, dude. God is missing and
they think WE did it!"

Joke - Long Hair...

Long Hair

A young boy just received his driving permit. He asked his father,

a minister, if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said

to him, "I'll make a deal with you: you bring your grades up and

study your Bible a little and get your hair cut. After that, we will talk

about it."

A month later the boy came back and again asked his father if they

could discuss his use of the car. His father said, "Son, I'm really

proud of you. You've brought your grades up and you've studied

your Bible diligently, but you didn't get hair cut!"

The young man waited a moment and replied, "You know, Dad, I've

been thinking about that. Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair,

Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair."

His father replied, "Yes son, and they walked everywhere they went!"

Reverendfun Cartoons...

Good Saturday to you! I hope you all are enjoying the new

"look" to this blog. It took me a long time to get it exactly

how I wanted it. I am pretty happy with it now. Please

take the time check out my sidebar once in awhile. You may

find something interesting or helpful. If you have any ideas,

questions, jokes, quotes, inspiration, suggestions, etc., just

pop me an email. My address is in the sidebar.

I am also aware it is hard for most of you to leave a comment

in this blog. I am very sorry about this. I have tried for

many months to rectify this. I have been considering moving

the blog, but my wish is not to get comments, but to bring you

some happiness and inspiration in your day. I do really appreciate

the comments when they come through, though!! Thanks!!

I have some Reverendfun Cartoons for you today. Sending

out smiles... Val =)


Reverendfun Cartoons

Joke - Perfection...

Perfection

The preacher said, "There's no such thing as a perfect woman.

Anyone present who has ever known a perfect woman, stand up."

Nobody stood up.

"Those who have ever known a perfect man, stand up."

One elderly gentleman stood up.

"Are you honestly saying you knew an absolutely perfect man?"

he asked, somewhat amazed.

"Well now, I didn't know him personally," replied the little old man,

"but I have heard a great deal about him. He was my wife's first

husband."

Joke - Making a Man...

Making a Man

God is sitting in Heaven when a scientist says to him, "Lord,

we don't need You anymore. Science has finally figured out

a way to create life out of nothing. In other words, we can

now do what You did in the beginning."

"Oh, is that so? Please tell me... " replies God.

"Well," says the scientist, "we can take dirt and form it into

Your likeness and breathe life into it, thus creating man."

"Well, that's interesting. Show me."

So the scientist bends down on his knees and picks up some

soil and starts to mold it.

"Oh no, no, no," interrupts God, "get your own dirt."

Jokes That Can Be Told In Church...

Jokes That Can Be Told In Church

A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast

as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran

she prayed, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord,

please don't let me be late!"

While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and

fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up,

brushed herself off, and started running again! As she ran she

once again began to pray, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be

late... But please don't shove me either!"

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments

with her five and six year-olds.

After explaining the commandment to 'honor thy father and thy

mother', she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how

to treat our brothers and sisters?"

Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, "Thou shall not

kill."

At Sunday school they were teaching how God created everything,

including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent

when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.

Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he

were ill, and she said, "Johnny, what is the matter?"

Little Johnny responded, "I have pain in my side. I think I'm going

to have a wife."