Joke - The Blonde Detectives

The Blonde Detectives

A policeman was interrogating three blondes who were training to
become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect,
he shows them a picture, then hides it.

"This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first blonde answers, "That's easy, we'll catch
him fast because he only has one eye!"

The policeman says, "Well... uh... that's because
the picture shows his profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the
picture for five seconds at the second blonde and asks her,
"This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, "Ha!
He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"

The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you
two?? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing
because it's a picture of his profile! Is that the best answer
you can come up with?"

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to
the third blonde and in a very test voice asks, "This is your
suspect, how would you recognize him?" He quickly adds,
"Think hard before giving me a stupid answer."

The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and
says, "The suspect wears contact lenses!"

The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really
doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.

"Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes
while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."

He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file
in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.

"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does in fact
wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make
such an astute observation?"

"That's easy," the blonde replied. "He can't wear regular
glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."

Joke - The Hot Mama Machine

The Hot Mama Machine

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost
everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move.

"Father?" asked the boy.

The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have
never seen anything like this in my life. I don't know what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair
rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady
rolled between them and into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his
father watched small circles of light with numbers above the wall light up. They
continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened
up again and a beautiful 24-year-old woman stepped out.

The father said to his son, "Go get your mother!"

Fun Game...

This is a fun little game. I mastered it after about eight tries.
Let me know how you do! Click on words below to play:

Cat Cornering Game

Joke - Farmer's Divorce

Farmer's Divorce

A farmer walks into an attorney's office wanting
to file for a divorce. The attorney asks, "May I help you?"

The farmer answers, "Yea, I want to get
one of those day-vorce's."

The attorney asks, "Well, do you have any grounds?"

The farmer replies, "Yea, I got about 140 acres."

The attorney says, "No, you don't understand,
do you have a case?"

The farmer says, "No, I don't have a Case,
but I got a John Deere."

"No you don't understand," replies the attorney,
"I mean do you have a grudge?"

The farmer says, "Yea I got a grudge,
that's where I park my John Deere."

The attorney says, "No sir, I mean
do you have a suit?"

The farmer replies, "Yes sir, I got a suit.
I wear to the church on Sundays."

The exasperated attorney asks, "Well sir, does
your wife beat you up or anything?"

The farmer replies, "No sir, we both
get up about 4:30."

Finally the attorney asks, "Okay, let me put it
this way - WHY DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE?"

And the farmer answers, "Well, I can never
have a meaningful conversation with her."

Fun and Funny Quotes by Robert Frost...

Fun and Funny Quotes by Robert Frost

"To be a poet is a condition, not a profession."
-~-
"You can be a little ungrammatical if you
come from the right part of the country."
-~-
"The brain is a wonderful organ;
it starts working the moment you get
up in the morning and does not stop until
you get into the office."
-~-
"The world is full of willing people; some
willing to work, the rest willing to let them."
-~-
"By working faithfully eight hours a day
you may eventually get to be boss and
work twelve hours a day."
-~-
"The reason why worry kills more people than
work is that more people worry than work."
-~-
"A civilized society is one which tolerates
eccentricity to the point of doubtful sanity."
-~-
"A jury consists of twelve persons chosen
to decide who has the better lawyer."
-~-
"The middle of the road is where the white
line is - and that's the worst place to drive."
-~-
"Thinking isn't agreeing or
disagreeing. That's voting."
-~-
"I'd just as soon play tennis
with the net down."
-~-
"A mother takes twenty years to make
a man of her boy, and another woman
makes a fool of him in twenty minutes."
-~-
"A diplomat is a man who always remembers a
woman's birthday but never remembers her age."
-~-
"We dance round in a ring and suppose,
but the secret sits in the middle and knows."
-~-
"Half the world is composed of people
who have something to say and can't and
the other half who have nothing to say
and keep on saying it."
-~-
"Forgive me my nonsense,
as I also forgive the nonsense of
those that think they talk sense."

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