Fun and Funny Lily Tomlin Quotes...

Fun and Funny Lily Tomlin Quotes

"Sometimes I feel like a figment of my own imagination."

"Teflon brain - nothing sticks."

"We are all in this together, by ourselves."

"Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst
those in touch with it."

"I worry that the person who thought up Muzak
may be thinking up something else."

"Why is it when we talk to God we're said to be praying,
but when God talks to us, we're schizophrenic?"

"Man invented language to satisfy
his deep need to complain."

"The road to success is always under construction."

"All my life, I always wanted to be somebody.
Now I see that I should have been more specific."

"Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse."

"After all, in private, we're all misfits."

Labor Day Quotes and a Bible Verse...

Labor Day Quotes and a Bible Verse

Do not labor for the food that perishes,
but for the food that endures to eternal life,
which the Son of Man will give to you.
For on Him God the Father has set His seal.- John 6:27

"Work isn't to make money; you work to justify life."
- Marc Chagall

"Without labor nothing prospers."
- Sophocles

"If any man tells you he loves America, yet hates labor,
he is a liar. If any man tells you he trusts America,
yet fears labor, he is a fool."
- Abraham Lincoln

"The end of labor is to gain leisure."
- Aristotle

"Take rest; a field that has rested gives
a bountiful crop."
- Ovid

"Sometimes it's important to work for that pot of gold.
But other times it's essential to take time off and to
make sure that your most important decision in the
day simply consists of choosing which color to slide
down on the rainbow."
- Douglas Pagels

"The man who doesn't relax and hoot a few hoots
voluntarily, now and then, is in great danger of
hooting hoots and standing on his head for the
edification of the pathologist and trained nurse,
a little later on."
- Elbert Hubbard

"If all the cars in the United States were placed end
to end, it would probably be Labor Day weekend."
- Doug Larson

"Labor Day is a glorious holiday because your child
will be going back to school the next day. It would
have been called Independence Day, but that name
was already taken."
- Bill Dodds

Oh my goodness, I think this is working!!! LOL  I may be able to post some...
we will see... Here is a joke today =).  Love you all!!  Val =)


I Need Help

"Doctor O'Hara," Ranjit pleaded, "I've got trouble. Every time I get
into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I get under the bed,
I think there's somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under. You
gotta help me, I'm going crazy."

"Just put yourself in my hands for two years," said the psychiatrist
Dr. O'Hara. "Come and see me three times a week and I'll cure yourfears."

"How much do you charge?"

"A hundred dollars per visit."
"In that case, I'll sleep on it," answered Ranjit.

Six months later the doctor met Ranjit in the street.

"Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist.

"For a hundred buck's a visit? A bartender cured me for ten dollars,"
smiled Ranjit.
"Is that so! How?"

"He told me to cut the legs off the bed."

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