A Funny - Why We Love Children...

Why We Love Children

Nudity
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening
when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved.
She was stark naked!
As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my
5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom, that lady isn't wearing
a seat belt!"

Opinions
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note
from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child
are not necessarily those of his parents."

Ketchup
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her
struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to
answer it.
"Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's
hitting the bottle."

More Nudity
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker
room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies
grabbing towels and running for cover.
The little boy watched in amazement and then asked,
"What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"

Police
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the
station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking,
and I saw a little boy staring in at me.
"Is that a dog you got back there?" he asked.
"It sure is," I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van.
Finally he said, "What'd he do?"

Dress-Up
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw
her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear
that suit."
"And why not, darling?"
"You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning."

The Bible
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered
through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out. He picked up the
object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been
pressed in between the pages.
"Mama, look what I found," the boy called out.
"What have you got there, dear?"
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered,
"I think it's Adam's underwear!"

Joke - Italian Job Interview...

Italian Job Interview

An Italian man wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he
passes a little math test. "Here's your first question," the foreman
said. "Without using numbers, represent the number 9."

"Without numbers?" the Italian says, "Data easy." and he proceeds to
draw three trees.

"What's this?" the boss asks

"Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make a nine," explains
the Italian.

"Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question. Use the
same rules, but this time the number is 99."

The Italian stares into space for awhile, then picks up the picture that
he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. "Ere you go."

The boss scratches his head and asks, "How on earth does this
represent 99?"

"Each of da trees isa dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, dirty tree, and dirty tree.
Dat is 99."

The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire this
fellow, so he says, "All right, last question. Same rules apply, but
represent the number 100."

The Italian stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture
again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says,
"Ere you go. One hundred."

The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think this
represents a hundred!!"

The Italian leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each
tree and says, "A little doga came along and 'go' by eacha tree. So
now you gota dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty
tree and a turd, data makea one hundred.
So, when I'm a gonna start?"

Joke - Bubba Calls 911...

Bubba Calls 911

Betty Jo passed away right sudden like, and Bubba, he called 911.
The 911 operator told Bubba that she would send someone out
right away. "Where do you live?" asked the operator.

Bubba replied, "Down 'ere at the end o' Eucalyptus Drive."

The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?"

There was a long pause and finally Bubba said, "How 'bout if I
drag her on over to Oak Street and you pick her up there... "

Fun and Funny Quotes...

Fun and Funny Quotes

"I was so surprised at being born that I didn't speak
for a year and a half."
- Gracie Allen
=)
"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me.
He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet."
- Rodney Dangerfield
=)
"Money isn't everything but it sure keeps you in touch
with your children."
- J. Paul Getty
=)
"Income tax has made more liars out of the
American people than golf."
- Will Rogers
=)
"If you can't convince them, confuse them."
- Harry S. Truman
=)
"Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees,
then names the streets after them."
- Bill Vaughan
=)
"One has fear in front of a goat, in back of a mule,
and on every side of a fool."
- Edgar Watson Howe
=)
"I gave my cat a bath the other day... they love it.
He sat there, he enjoyed it, it was fun for me.
The fur would stick to my tongue, but other than that... "
- Steve Martin
=)
"I took a test in Existentialism.
I left all the answers blank and got 100."
- Woody Allen
=)
"Middle age is when your age starts to show
around your middle."
- Bob Hope
=)
"I am not a vegetarian because I love animals;
I am a vegetarian because I hate plants."
- Whitney Brown
=)
"I got a lotta best friends.
Some o' them I don't even hardly know!"
- Archie Bunker, All In The Family
=)
"Fill what's empty, empty what's full,
and scratch where it itches."
- Wallis Warfield Simpson, Duchess of Windsor,
when asked what is the secret of a long and happy life

Quotes and a Verse on Trees...

Quotes and a Verse on Trees

" ...let the fields be jubilant, and everything in them. Then all the trees
of the forest will sing for joy; they will sing before the Lord."
- Psalm 96:12-13
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"God is the experience of looking at a tree and saying, 'Ah!'"
- Joseph Campbell
()
"The tree which moves some to tears of joy is in the eyes of others
only a green thing which stands in their way."
- William Blake
()
"I frequently tramped eight or ten miles through the deepest snow
to keep an appointment with a beech-tree, or a yellow birch,
or an old acquaintance among the pines."
- Henry David Thoreau
()
"Keep a green tree in your heart and perhaps
a singing bird will come."
- A Chinese Proverb
()
"I like trees because they seem more resigned to the way
they have to live than other things do."
- Willa Cather
()
"Do not be afraid to go out on a limb... That's where the fruit is."
- Author Unknown
()
"I'd like to go by climbing a birch tree, and climb black
branches up a snow-white trunk. Toward heaven, till the tree
could bear no more, but dipped its top and set me down again.
That would be good both going and coming back.
One could do worse than be a swinger of birches."
- Robert Frost
()
"Breeze is the conductor, trees the musicians,
leaves the instruments."
- Nathaniel LeTonnerre
()
"I love a crooked tree more than I hate a crooked man."
- Frank Kramer
()
"A man has made at least a start on discovering the meaning
of human life when he plants shade trees under which he knows
full well he will never sit."
- Elton Trueblood
()
"Trees are your best antiques."
- Alexander Smith
()
"As the poet said, 'only God can make a tree' - probably because
it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on."
- Woody Allen
()
"I think that I shall never see
A poem lovely as a tree.
A tree whose hungry mouth is prest
Against the earth's sweet flowing breast;
A tree that looks at God all day
And lifts her leafy arms to pray;
A tree that may in Summer wear
A nest of robins in her hair;
Upon whose bosom snow has lain;
Who intimately lives with rain.
Poems are made by fools like me,
But only God can make a tree."
- Joyce Kilmer, "Trees", 1914