Joke - Kentucky Declares War on the U.S...

Kentucky Declares War on the U.S.

President Barack Obama was in the Oval Office when his telephone

rang. "Hello, President Obama,” a heavily accented southern voice

said. "This is Archie down here at Joe's Catfish Shack in Hootin

Hollar Kentucky. I'm callin' to tell ya’ll that we are officially

declarin' war on ya!"

"Well, Archie," Barack replied, "this is indeed important news! How

big is your army?"

"Right now," said Archie, after a moments calculation, "there is myself,

my cousin Harold, my next-door-neighbor Randy, and the whole dart

team from Hooters. That makes eight!"

Barack paused. "I must tell you, Archie, that I have one million men in

my army waiting to move on my command."

"Wow," said Archie, "I'll have to call ya back!"

Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again. "Mr. Obama, the war
is still on! We have managed to git us some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be, Archie?" Barack asked.

"Well, sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Harry’s farm

tractor."

President Obama sighed. "I must tell you, Archie, that I have 16,000

tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my

army to one and a half million since we last spoke."

"Heaven's above," said Archie, "I'll be gettin' back to ya."

Sure enough, Archie rang again about twenty minutes later. "President

Obama, the war is still on! We have managed to git ourselves airborne!

We up an' modified Harold's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in

the cockpit, and four boys from the Legion have joined us as well!"

Barack was silent for a minute then cleared his throat. "I must tell

you, Archie, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes.

My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air

missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to

TWO MILLION!"

"Well, nuts," said Archie, "l'll have at call you back."

Sure enough, Archie called again the next day. "President Obama, I

am sorry to have to tell you that we have to call off this here war."

"I'm glad you came to your senses... " said Barack. "Why the sudden

change of heart?"

"Well, sir," said Archie, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a long
talk over a few beers and come to realize there ain't no way we can
feed two million prisoners."

Redneck Humor...

Redneck Humor

Q: What do rednecks call "Hee Haw"?

A: A documentary.

Q: How many rednecks does it take eat a 'possum?

A: Two. One to eat, and one to watch for cars.

Q: Why did God invent armadillos?

A: So that rednecks can have 'possum on the half shell.

Counseling - Redneck Style

Earl and Bubba are quietly sitting in a small boat and fishing out on a lake.

They are chewing tobacco and drinking beer, when Bubba suddenly says,

"I think I'm gonna divorce my wife. She ain't spoke to me in over two

months."

Earl spits, sips his beer, and says, "Better think it over... women like that

are hard to find."

Calling 911 - Redneck Style

Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911 operator told
Bubba that she would send someone out right away.

"Where do you live?" asked the operator.

Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive."

The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?"

There was a long pause and finally Bubba said, "How 'bout if I drag
her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?"

Joke - Bubba Calls 911...

Bubba Calls 911

Betty Jo passed away right sudden like, and Bubba, he called 911.
The 911 operator told Bubba that she would send someone out
right away. "Where do you live?" asked the operator.

Bubba replied, "Down 'ere at the end o' Eucalyptus Drive."

The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?"

There was a long pause and finally Bubba said, "How 'bout if I
drag her on over to Oak Street and you pick her up there... "