Christmas Humor...

A Divorce for the Holidays

A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before

Christmas Eve and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have

to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five

years of misery is enough."

"Dad, what are you talking about?!" the son screams.

"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the

father explains. "We're sick of each other and I'm sick of

talking about this, so you call your sister in Leeds and tell

her, please."

Frantically, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the

phone, "No way are they getting a divorce! I'll take care

of this!"

She calls Scotland immediately and screams at her father,

"You two are NOT getting divorced! Don't do a single thing

until I get there! I'm calling brother back and we'll both be

there tomorrow. Until then, don't do anything, DO YOU

HEAR ME?!!" and she hangs up.

The elderly man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife.

"Done! They're coming for Christmas and they're paying

their own way!"

Click link below for a short and funny interactive joke:

Perfect Couple on Christmas

Christmas and Chanukah Funnies...

What To Say About A Christmas Gift You Don't Like

Top 10 things to say when you receive

a gift you don't like:

10. "Hey, now there's a gift!"

9. "Well, well, well... "

8. "Boy, if I had not recently shot up four sizes that

would've fit."

7. "This will be perfect for wearing around the

basement."

6. "Gosh, I hope this never catches fire! It is fire season,

though. There are lots of unexplained fires."

5. "If the dog buries this, I'll be furious!"

4. "I love this, but I fear it will inspire jealousy."

3. "Sadly, tomorrow I enter the Federal Witness

Protection Program."

2. "To think, I received this the year I vowed to

give all my gifts to charity."

And the number one thing to say about a

Christmas gift you don't like...

1. "I really don't deserve this."

Top 10 Reasons Why Chanukah is Better Than Christmas

10. There’s no “Donny and Marie Chanukah Special”.

9. There are eight days of presents (in theory, anyway).

8. There is no need to clean the chimney.

7. There’s no latke-nog.

6. Burl Ives doesn’t sing Chanukah songs.

5. You won’t be pressured to buy Chanukah Seals.

4. You won’t see, “You’re a Putz, Charlie Brown”.

3. There's no barking dog version of “I had a Little Driedl”.

2. There's no pine needles to vacuum up afterwards.

And the number one reason why Chanukah

is better than Christmas...

1. Blintzes are cheaper to mail than fruitcakes.