Fun and Funny Quotes...

Fun and Funny Quotes

 

"Why do we call them buildings when they're finished?
Shouldn't they be called builts?"

- Author Unknown

"I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can
get shot while getting shot... "

- Chris Rock

"I am a kind of paranoiac in reverse.
I suspect people of plotting to make me happy."

- J. D. Salinger

"Nostalgia isn't what it used to be."

- Peter Vries

"The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so
he can tell when he's really in trouble."

- Justine Vogt

"I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow.
He told me to wear a brown tie."

- Rodney Dangerfield

"The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out
of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot."

- Jay Leno

"The road to success is always under construction."

- Lily Tomlin

"When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who
died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the
passengers in his car."

- Will Rogers

"If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up Button."

- Sam Levenson

 

Inspirational Life Quotes and a Bible Verse...

Inspirational Life Quotes and a Verse

"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever."

- Hebrews 13:8
<><

"Let us dare to be ourselves,
for we do that better than anyone else can."
- Shirley Briggs

"You will never change your life until you change something you
do daily. The secret of your success is found in your daily routine."
- John C. Maxwell

"Life is like playing a violin solo in public and learning
the instrument as one goes on."
- Samuel Butler

"The best preparation for tomorrow is doing your best today."

 - H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

"We would worry less about what people think about us if
we realized how seldom they do."
- Ethel Barrett

"Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got."
- Janis Joplin

"We all live under the same sky,
but we don't all have the same horizon."
- Konrad Adehauer

"'You must never feel badly about making mistakes,'
explained Reason quietly, 'as long as you take the trouble to learn
from them. For you often learn more by being wrong for the right
reasons than you do by being right for the wrong reasons.'"
- Norton Juster, 'The Phantom Tollbooth'

"I don't care if my glass is half full or half empty -
I'm just happy to have a glass."
- Joe Farrell

Quotes and a Bible Verse to Ponder...

Quotes and a Bible Verse to Ponder

He who did not spare His own Son, but gave Him up for us all --
how will He not also, along with Him, graciously give us all things?
- Romans 8:32

"Think for a minute about what makes you
fabulous and how you can celebrate it."
- Laura Mercier

"For lack of an occasional expression of love, a relationship
strong at the seams can wear thin in the middle."
- Robert Brault

"Do you love me because I am beautiful,
or am I beautiful because you love me?"
- Cinderella

"The miracle is not to fly in the air, or to walk
on the water; but to walk on the earth."
- A Chinese Proverb

"It's not good enough that we do our best;
sometimes we have to do what's required."
- Winston Churchill

"I used to believe that anything was better than nothing.
Now I know that sometimes nothing is better."
- Glenda Jackson

"The nearest way to glory is to strive to be
what you wish to be thought to be."
- Socrates

"You can do what you have to do, and sometimes you
can do it even better than you think you can."
- Jimmy Carter

"The Almighty has His own purposes."
- Abraham Lincoln

"You can fool some of the people all of the time,
and all of the people some of the time, but you
can not fool all of the people all of the time."
- Abraham Lincoln

Fun and Funny Quotes...

Fun and Funny Quotes

“Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.”
- Lenny Bruce

“I won’t say ours was a tough school, but we
had our own coroner. We used to write essays like:
What I’m going to be if I grow up.”
- Lenny Bruce

"The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can
do that dramatic removal."
- Jim Gaffigan

"Bigamy is having one wife too many.
Monogamy is the same."
- Oscar Wilde

"A man in the house is worth two in the street."
- Mae West

"A man in love is incomplete until he has married.
Then he's finished."
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

"I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards.
I got a full house and four people died."
- Steven Wright

"I planted some bird seed. A bird came up.
Now I don't know what to feed it."
- Steven Wright

"Accept that some days you are the pigeon,
and some days you are the statue."
- David Brent

"There's no reason to be the richest man in the cemetery.
You can't do any business from there."
- Colonel Sanders

Character Quotes and a Bible Verse...

Character Quotes and a Bible Verse

<><

"For this very reason,
make every effort to add to your faith goodness;
and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control;
and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance,
godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness;
and to brotherly kindness, love."
- 2 Peter 1:5-7

<><

"Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through

experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened,

vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved."

- Helen Keller

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ

"Character is higher than intellect. A great soul

will be strong to live as well as think."

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ

"Who you are speaks so loudly I can't

hear what you're saying."

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ

“Beginning today, treat everyone you meet as if they were

going to be dead by midnight. Extend to them all the care,

kindness and understanding you can muster, and do it with

no thought of any reward. Your life will

never be the same again.”

– Og Mandino

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ

"No matter how full a reservoir of maxims one may possess,

and no matter how good one's sentiments may be, if one have

not taken advantage of every concrete opportunity to act,

one's character may remain entirely unaffected

for the better."

- William James

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ

"The best index to a person's character is

(a) how he treats people who can't do him any good,

and (b) how he treats people who can't fight back."

- Abigail van Buren

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ

"If you lose your wealth, you have lost nothing,

If you lose your health, you have lost something,

But if you lose your character,

you have lost everything."

- Woodrow Wilson

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ

"A person reveals his character by nothing

so clearly as the joke he resents."

- Georg Christoph Lichtenberg

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ

"You can tell a lot about a fellow's character

by his way of eating jelly beans."

- Ronald Reagan

- Happy Birthday, Therese and Carl !!

Fun and Funny Quotes...

Fun and Funny Quotes


"Is life worth living? It all depends on the liver."
- William James

"Some people are like Slinkies...
not really good for anything, but you can't help
smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs."
- Author Unknown

"Whenever I fill out an application,
in the part that says, 'If an emergency, notify:'
I put 'DOCTOR'. What's my mother going to do?"
- Author Unknown

"There has been much tragedy in my life;
at least half of it actually happened."
- Mark Twain

"If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for
most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month."
- Theodore Roosevelt

"Don't wait for a light to appear at the end of the tunnel.
Stride down there and light the bloody thing yourself."
- Author Unknown

"Pay no attention to what the critics say;
no statue has ever been erected to a critic."
- Jean Sibelius

"Silence is not only golden, it is seldom misquoted."
- Bob Monkhouse

"A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory."
- Author Unknown

"As you get older three things happen.
The first is your memory goes,
and I can't remember the other two."
- Norman Wisdom


 

Fun and Funny Quotes...

Fun and Funny Quotes

"I recorded a song called 'I Fall to Pieces', and I

was in a car wreck. Now I'm really worried because I

have a brand-new record, and it's called 'Crazy'."

- Patsy Cline

"I used to work in a fire hydrant factory.

You couldn't park anywhere near the place."

- Steven Wright

"I was in the grocery store. I saw a sign that said

'pet supplies'. So I did. Then I went outside and saw

a sign that said 'compact cars'."

- Steven Wright

"I bought my wife a new car. She called and said,

'There's water in the carburetor.' I said,

'Where's the car?' She said, 'In the lake.'"

- Henny Youngman

"I hate small towns because once you've seen the

cannon in the park there's nothing else to do."

- Lenny Bruce

"Guys are like dogs. They keep coming back. Ladies are

like cats. Yell at a cat one time... they're gone."

- Lenny Bruce

"If it can't be fixed with duct tape or WD-40,

it's a female problem."

- Jason Love

"Actually, the reason I look like this is because my father

was from Sweden and my mother was Elton John."

- Jim Gaffigan

"I was watching the Animal Planet.

Did you know that the male seahorse has the baby?

Why don't they just call that one the female?"

- Jim Gaffigan

"There is an eagle in me that wants to soar, and there is

a hippopotamus in me that wants to wallow in the mud."

- Carl Sandburg

Inspirational Quotes and a Bible Verse...

Inspirational Quotes and a Bible Verse

"Cast all your anxieties on Him for He cares for you."

- 1 Peter 5:7

"I try to avoid looking forward or backward,

and try to keep looking upward."

- Charlotte Bronte

"I can turn my day around. I can change the flavor of today's

experiences. I can lift my spirits and know all is well."

- Author Unknown

"Today, well lived, will prepare me for both

the pleasure and the pain of tomorrow."

- Author Unknown

"Think big thoughts but relish small pleasures."

- H. Jackson Browne, Jr.

"I'll lean on you and you lean on me and we'll be okay."

- lyrics from Dave Matthews Band

"Lean on me, when you're not strong, and I'll be your friend,

I'll help you carry on, for it won't be long, 'til I'm going to

need somebody to lean on."

- lyrics from song 'Lean On Me'

"If we shall take the good we find, asking no questions,

we shall have heaping measures."

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Let today be a day in which I do something joyful."

- Dana Bate (from Vagabond Journeys)

"Today I will have faith and all will be well."

- Author Unknown

Fun and Funny Quotes...

Fun and Funny Quotes

"To be or not to be. That's not really a question."

- Jean-Luc Godard

"Have enough sense to know, ahead of time,

when your skills will not extend to wallpapering."

- Marilyn vos Savant

"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes."

- Jim Carrey

"A psychiatrist asks a lot of expensive questions

your wife asks for nothing."

- Joey Adams

"The poets have been mysteriously silent

on the subject of cheese."

- G. K. Chesterton

"Writing books is the closest

men ever come to childbearing."

- Norman Mailer

"Never get a mime talking. He won't stop."

- Marcel Marceau

"I haven't slept for 10 days,

because that would be too long."

- Mitch Hedberg

"Last year I donated a fruitcake to the Salvation Army.

I got it back this year from our local food bank."

- Dana Bate  (from Vagabond Journeys)

"In order to make an apple pie from scratch,

you must first create the universe."

- Carl Sagan

"My theory is that all Scottish cuisine

is based on a dare."

- Mike Myers

"Don't look back.

Something might be gaining on you."

- Satchel Paige

Fun and Funny Quotes...

Fun and Funny Quotes

"A bore is a man who, when you ask him how he is, tells you."

- B. L. Taylor

"No man is an island, but some of us are pretty long peninsulas."

- Ashleigh Brilliant

"Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other.

Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then."

- Katharine Hepburn

"If men can run the world, why can't they stop

wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the

day by tying a little noose around your neck?"

- Linda Ellerbee

"I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch."

- Gilda Radner

"Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned

to death with popcorn."

- Bishop Fulton Sheen

"When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I

was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said,

'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of

the Protestants in whom you don't believe?'"

- Quentin Crisp

"A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree."

- Spike Milligan

"My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap...

He was in the electric chair."

- Rodney Dangerfield

"For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue

to grow but phone calls taper off."

- Johnny Carson