Joke - 21st Birthdays...

21st Birthdays

A boy from Duluth, Minnesota, named Lars had heard stories of
an amazing family tradition. It seem that his father, grandfather,
and great grandfather had all been able to walk on water on
their 21st birthdays, to the boat club across the lake for their
first legal drink.

So when Lars' 21st came around, he and his pal Sven took a boat
out to the middle of the lake. Lars stepped out of the boat and
nearly drowned. Sven managed to pull him to safety.

Furious and confused, Lars went to see his grandmother.
"Grandma," he asked, "it's my 21st birthday, so why can't I walk
across the lake like my father, his father, and his father before
him?"

Granny looked into Lars' eyes and said, "Because your father,
grandfather, and great-grandfather were born in January.
You were born in July."

Joke - Burial at Sea...

 

Burial at Sea


Chrissy and Barbie, two blonde sisters had promised their
uncle, who had been a sea-faring gentleman all his life,
to bury him at sea when he died. 

Of course, in due time, he did pass away and the two blondes
kept their promise. They set off from Clearwater Beach with
their uncle all stitched up in a burial bag and loaded onto
their rowboat.

After a while Chrissy says, "Do you think we're out far enough,
Barbie?"

Barbie slipped over the side and finding the water only knee-deep
says, "Nope, not yet Chrissy."

So they rowed a little farther. Again, Chrissy asks Barbie, "Do you
think we're out far enough now?"

Once again Barbie slips over the side and almost immediately
says, "No, this will never do. The water is only up to my chest."

So on they row and row and row, and finally Barbie slips over
the side and disappears. Quite a bit of time goes by and poor
Chrissy is really getting worried. Suddenly, Barbie breaks the
surface gasping for breath.

"Well is it deep enough yet, sis?"

"Yes, finally. Hand me the shovel."



Character Quotes and a Bible Verse...

Character Quotes and a Bible Verse

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"For this very reason,
make every effort to add to your faith goodness;
and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control;
and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance,
godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness;
and to brotherly kindness, love."
- 2 Peter 1:5-7

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"Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through

experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened,

vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved."

- Helen Keller

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ

"Character is higher than intellect. A great soul

will be strong to live as well as think."

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ

"Who you are speaks so loudly I can't

hear what you're saying."

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ

“Beginning today, treat everyone you meet as if they were

going to be dead by midnight. Extend to them all the care,

kindness and understanding you can muster, and do it with

no thought of any reward. Your life will

never be the same again.”

– Og Mandino

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ

"No matter how full a reservoir of maxims one may possess,

and no matter how good one's sentiments may be, if one have

not taken advantage of every concrete opportunity to act,

one's character may remain entirely unaffected

for the better."

- William James

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ

"The best index to a person's character is

(a) how he treats people who can't do him any good,

and (b) how he treats people who can't fight back."

- Abigail van Buren

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ

"If you lose your wealth, you have lost nothing,

If you lose your health, you have lost something,

But if you lose your character,

you have lost everything."

- Woodrow Wilson

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ

"A person reveals his character by nothing

so clearly as the joke he resents."

- Georg Christoph Lichtenberg

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ

"You can tell a lot about a fellow's character

by his way of eating jelly beans."

- Ronald Reagan

- Happy Birthday, Therese and Carl !!

Joke - Top Ten Reasons Eve Was Created...

Top Ten Reasons Eve Was Created

10. God was worried that Adam would frequently become lost
in the garden because he would not ask for directions. 

  9. God knew that one day Adam would require someone to
locate and hand him the remote. 

  8. God knew Adam would never go out and buy himself a new
fig leaf when his wore out and would therefore need Eve
to buy one for him.

7. God knew Adam would never be able to make a doctor's,
dentist, or haircut appointment for himself.

6. God knew Adam would never remember which night to
put he garbage on the curb.

5. God knew if the world was to be populated, men would
never be able to handle the pain and discomfort of
child-bearing.

4. As the Keeper of the Garden, Adam would never
remember where he left his tools.

3. Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his troubles
on when God caught him hiding in the garden.

2. As the Bible says, It is not good for man to be alone!

1. When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back,
scratched His head, and said, "I can do better than that."

A Funny - Test Mistakes...

Test Mistakes

A teacher forwarded this list of comments from test papers, essays, etc.,
submitted to science and health teachers by elementary, junior high, high
school, and college students. As she noted, “It is truly astonishing what
weird science our young scholars can create under the pressures of time
and grades.”

“H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.”

“To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.”

“When you smell an oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide”

“Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin.
Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.”

“Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars.”

“Blood flows down one leg and up the other.”

“Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration,
and then expectoration.”

“The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader.”

“Artifical insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow
instead of the bull.”

“Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them
and makes them perspire.”

“A super saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.”

“Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they
look like umbrellas.”

“The pistol of a flower is its only protections agenst insects.”

“The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken
out and the outsides have ben taken off. The purpose of the
skeleton is something to hitch meat to.”

“A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids,
two molars, and eight cuspidors.”

“The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends
towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature
abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.”

“A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.”

“Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa.”

“Germinate: To become a naturalized German.”

“Liter: A nest of young puppies.”

“Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat.”

“Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away.”

“Planet: A body of Earth surrounded by sky.”

“Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.”

“Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives.”

“Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood
is affirmative or negative.”

“To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.”

“For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower then the body
until the heart stops.”

“For dog bite: put the dog away for several days.
If he has not recovered, then kill it.”

“For head cold: use an agonizer to spray the nose until
it drops in your throat.”

“To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow.”