More Valentine's Day Jokes...

In case you get a big box of chocolate on Valentine's Day,

don't feel guilty, dig in!:

Eat Chocolate?

A good piece of chocolate has about 200 calories. As I enjoy

two servings per night, and a few more on weekends, I

consume about 3,500 calories of chocolate in a week. This

equals one pound of weight per week.

Therefore, in the last 3-1/2 years, I have had chocolate

caloric intake of about 180 pounds, and I only weigh 165

pounds.

So, without chocolate, I would have wasted away to nothing

about three months ago! I owe my life to chocolate!

How Long?

When a woman on the staff of the school where I worked became

engaged, a friend and colleague offered her some advice.

"The first ten years are the hardest."

"How long have you been married?" she asked.

"Ten years," he replied.

Relatives

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying

a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither

of them wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband

asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"

"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

Bad Date

Girls, you know you're on a bad date when:

* You order a Double Whopper and he says, "Hey, my name

ain't Rockefeller, honey."

* You've never heard someone speak with such passion about

an ant farm.

* Your dinner reservations are under "Loser, party of 2".

* He's especially proud of how long he can sustain a burp.

* He calls to tell you he'll pick you up as soon as the stand-

off with the police is over.

* He says he's been on Geraldo once and
Jerry Springer twice.

Valentine's Day Humor...

Love is Blind?

Phil, a smart and handsome young man, walked into this local pub.

He noticed a woman gazing at him without blinking her big eyes.

Phil felt flattered, so he walked up to the woman and said in his

deepest voice, "I'll do anything you wish, beautiful lady, for just

$20, but there is one condition."

The woman appeared to be trapped in the moment and asked as if

in a trance, '"What's your condition?"

Phil answered, "Tell me your wish in just three words."

There was a long pause, the woman opened her purse, counted out

the money and handed it to the man along with her address. She

then looked deeply into his eyes and whispered, "Clean my house."

Be My Valentine

It was Valentine's Day and Jim and Danielle's first date. They sat in

the darkened cinema waiting for the film to start. The screen finally

lit up with a flashy advertisement for the cinema's concession stand.

Jim and Danielle realised that there was no sound. The film began, but

the silence continued.

Suddenly, out of the darkness, an irritated voice in the crowd loudly

shouted, "Okay, who's got the remote control?"

A Garden Valentine

Cabbage always has a heart;

Green Beans string along.

You're such a Tomato,

Will you Peas to me belong?

You've been the Apple of my eye,

You know how much I care;

So Lettuce get together,

We'd make a perfect Pear.

Now, something's sure to Turnip,

To prove you can't be Beet;

So, if you Carrot all for me,

Let's let our Tulips meet.

Don't Squash my hopes and dreams now,

Bee my Honey, dear;

Or tears will fill Potato's eyes,

While Sweet Corn lends an ear.

I'll Cauliflower shop and say

Your dreams are Parsley mine.

I'll work and share my Celery,

So be my Valentine.

- Author Unknown