Funny Quotes...

10 Best One-Liners

These were taken from Reader's Digest Online:

"Just between you and me, I think 'everything bagels'

are making a lot of promises they can't keep."

- Author Unknown

"I'm coming out with a condensed phone book.

It has only one number in it: 411."

- Craig Sharf

"If the customer is always right,

then why isn't everything free?"

- Myq Kaplan

"When someone tells you that something defies description,

you can be pretty sure he's going to have a go at it anyway."

- Clyde B. Aster

"Of course I can keep secrets. It's the people I tell

them to who can't keep them."

- Anthony Haden-Guest

"I often wonder about people who live in tropical destinations.

What do their screen savers look like?"

- Derick Lengwenus

"If the people who make motivational posters are so motivated,

why are they still working in a poster factory?"

- Jody Rohlena

"I don't know how to speed read. Instead,

I listen to Books on Tape on fast-forward."

- Craig Sharf

"The nice thing about meditation is that it makes

doing nothing quite respectable."

- Paul Dean

"I got mugged by a magician. It's not funny - He took my wallet,

my watch, and every silver dollar I had behind my ear."

- Craig Baldo

Inspirational Quotes and a Bible Verse...

Inspirational Quotes and a Bible Verse

"Cast all your anxieties on Him for He cares for you."

- 1 Peter 5:7

"I try to avoid looking forward or backward,

and try to keep looking upward."

- Charlotte Bronte

"I can turn my day around. I can change the flavor of today's

experiences. I can lift my spirits and know all is well."

- Author Unknown

"Today, well lived, will prepare me for both

the pleasure and the pain of tomorrow."

- Author Unknown

"Think big thoughts but relish small pleasures."

- H. Jackson Browne, Jr.

"I'll lean on you and you lean on me and we'll be okay."

- lyrics from Dave Matthews Band

"Lean on me, when you're not strong, and I'll be your friend,

I'll help you carry on, for it won't be long, 'til I'm going to

need somebody to lean on."

- lyrics from song 'Lean On Me'

"If we shall take the good we find, asking no questions,

we shall have heaping measures."

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Let today be a day in which I do something joyful."

- Dana Bate (from Vagabond Journeys)

"Today I will have faith and all will be well."

- Author Unknown

Over a Century Ago...

Over A Century Ago

Here are some of the U.S. statistics for 1905:

- The average life expectancy in the U.S. was 47 years.

- Only 14 percent of the homes in the U.S. had a bathtub.

- Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone.

- A three-minute call from Denver to New York City cost eleven dollars.

- There were only 8,000 cars in the U.S., and only 144 miles of paved roads.

- The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.

- Alabama, Mississippi, Iowa, and Tennessee were each more

heavily populated than California. With a mere 1.4 million

residents, California was only the 21st most populous state in

the Union.

- The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower!

- The average wage in the U.S. was 22 cents an hour. The average

U.S. worker made between $200 and $400 per year. A competent

accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year, a dentist $2,500

per year, a veterinarian between $1,500 and $4,000 per year,

and a mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year.

- More than 95 percent of all births in the U.S. took place at home.

- Ninety percent of all U.S. physicians had no college education.

Instead, they attended medical schools, many of which were

condemned in the press and by the government as "substandard."

- Sugar cost four cents a pound. Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen.

Coffee was fifteen cents a pound.

- Most women only washed their hair once a month, and used

borax or egg yolks for shampoo.

- Canada passed a law prohibiting poor people from entering the

country for any reason.

- The five leading causes of death in the U.S. were:

1. Pneumonia and influenza 2. Tuberculosis

3. Diarrhea 4. Heart disease 5. Stroke

- The American flag had 45 stars. Arizona, Oklahoma, New Mexico,

Hawaii, and Alaska hadn't been admitted to the Union yet.

- The population of Las Vegas, Nevada, was 30!

- Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and iced tea hadn't been invented.

- There was no Mother's Day or Father's Day.

- Two of 10 U.S. adults couldn't read or write.

- Only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated high school.

- Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter

at corner drugstores. According to one pharmacist, "Heroin clears

the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind, regulates the stomach

and bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect guardian of health."

- Eighteen percent of households in the U.S. had at least one

full-time servant or domestic.

- There were only about 230 reported murders in the entire U.S.

Albert Einstein Quotes...

Albert Einstein Quotes

"The only reason for time is so that everything

doesn't happen at once."

"Intellectual growth should commence at birth

and cease only at death."

"I have no special talents.

I am only passionately curious."

"There are two ways to live:

you can live as if nothing is a miracle;

you can live as if everything is a miracle."

"Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile."

"Joy in looking and comprehending is nature's

most beautiful gift."

"If you can't explain it simply,

you don't understand it well enough."

"The world is a dangerous place,

not because of those who do evil,

but because of those who look on and do nothing."

"I have little patience with scientists

who take a board of wood, look for its thinnest part,

and drill a great number of holes where drilling is easy."

"Let every man be respected as an individual

and no man idolized."

"Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute and it

seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour

and it seems like a minute. That's relativity."

"If A equals success,

then the formula is A equals X plus Y and Z,

and with X being work, Y play and Z keeping

your mouth shut."

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