Showing posts with label driving jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label driving jokes. Show all posts

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Joke - Drive On...




Drive On


A group of retirees were discussing their medical problems over
coffee one morning.

"Do you realize," said one, "my arm is so weak I can hardly hold
this coffee cup."

"Yes, I know," replied the second. "My cataracts are so bad I
can hardly see to pour the coffee."

"I can't turn my head," rejoined the third, "because of the
arthritis in my neck."

"My blood pressure pills make my dizzy," commented the fourth,
adding, "I guess that's the price we pay for getting old."

"Well, it's not all bad," piped up the first. "We should be thankful
that we can still drive."


Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Joke - Old Woman Driving...




Old Woman Driving


Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeders, a State
Policeman sees a car puttering along at 22 miles per hour. He thinks to
himself, “This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!” So he turns on
his lights and pulls the driver over.

Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies – two in
the front seat and three in the back – wide-eyed and white as ghosts.

The driver obviously confused, says to him, “Officer, I don’t understand.
I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?”

“Ma’am,” the officer replies, “you weren’t speeding, but you should know
that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other
drivers.”

“Slower than the speed limit? No sir! I was doing the speed limit exactly -
twenty-two miles an hour, ” the old woman said proudly.

The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that
“22″ was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the
woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.

“But before I let you go, Ma’am,” the officer says, “I have to ask,
is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they
haven’t muttered a single peep this whole time.”

“Oh, they’ll be all right in a minute, officer. We just got off Route 119.”


Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Joke - Elderly Driving...





Elderly Driving


A mature (over 50) lady gets pulled over
for speeding and this drama unfolds:

Elderly Woman: Is there a problem, officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Elderly Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license, please?
Elderly Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Elderly Woman: I lost it - four years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see... Can I see your vehicle registration papers, please?
Elderly Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Elderly Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Elderly Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Elderly Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk
if you want to see.

The officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away
to his car and calls for back-up.

Within minutes, five police cars circle the elderly lady's car. A senior
officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please?!

The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Elderly Woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen
this car and murdered the owner.
Elderly Woman: Murdered the owner?!
Officer 2: Yes, could you open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing that it's empty.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Elderly Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claim that you do not
have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse containing
her license and hands it to the officer. The officer examines the license.
He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you, ma'am. One of my officers told me you didn't
have a license, you stole this car, and you
murdered and hacked up the owner.
Elderly Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.

* Thanks, Donna!