Joke - The Lion and the Mime...

The Lion and the Mime

One day an out-of-work mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to

earn some money as a street performer.

However, as soon as he starts to draw a crowd, the zookeeper

grabs him and drags him into his office.

The zookeeper explains to the mime that the zoo's most popular

attraction, a gorilla, has died suddenly. The keeper fears that

attendance at the zoo will fall off. He offers the mime a job to

dress up as the gorilla until they can get another one. The mime

accepts.

The next morning, before the crowd arrives, the mime puts on the

gorilla suit and enters the cage. He discovers that it's a great job.

He can sleep all he wants, play and make fun of people and he

draws bigger crowds than he ever did as a mime.

However, eventually the crowds tire of him, and he gets bored

just swinging on tires. He begins to notice that the people are

paying more attention to the lion in the cage next to his.

Not wanting to lose the attention of his audience, he climbs to the

top of his cage, crawls across a partition, and dangles from the

top to the lion's cage. Of course, this makes the lion furious, but

the crowd loves it.

At the end of the day the zookeeper comes and gives the mime a

raise for being such a good attraction as a gorilla.

Well, this goes on for some time. The mime keeps taunting the lion,

the crowds grow larger, and his salary keeps going up. Then one

terrible day when he is dangling over the furious lion, he slips and

falls. The mime is terrified. The lion gathers itself and prepares

to pounce. The mime is so scared that he begins to run round and

round the cage with the lion close behind.

Finally, the mime starts screaming and yelling, "Help, help me!",

but the lion is quick and pounces.

The mime soon finds himself flat on his back looking up at the

angry lion and the lion says, "Shut up you idiot! Do you want to

get us both fired?"

Joke - The Ostrich...

The Ostrich

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.

The waitress asks the man and the bird for their orders.

The man says, "A hamburger, fries, and a coke," and turns to the

ostrich, "What's yours?"

"I'll have the same," answers the ostrich.

"That will be $9.40 please," the waitress says as she returns with

their order.

The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for

payment.

The next day the man and the ostrich return, and the man says,

"A hamburger, fries, and a coke, please."

The ostrich says, "I'll have the same."

Again, the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes a daily routine until one special night when they enter

the restaurant.

"The usual?" asks the waitress.

"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, a baked potato, and

a salad," says the man.

"Same," says the ostrich.

Shortly, the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be

$32.62."

Once again, the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and

places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me,

sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in

your pocket every time?"

"Well," explains the man, "several years ago I was cleaning my attic

and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a genie appeared and

offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay

for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the correct

amount of money would always be there."

"That's brilliant!" exclaims the waitress. "Most people would ask for

a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you

want for as long as you live!"

"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact

money is always there," says the man.

The waitress asks, "What's with the ostrich?"

The man sighs, pauses, and answers, "My second wish was for a tall

chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say."

For Cat Lovers...

For Cat Lovers

=^..^= An aquarium is just interactive television for cats.

=^..^= Anything on the ground is a cat toy. Anything not there yet, will be.

=^..^= At least dogs do what you tell them to do. Cats take a message and get back to you.

=^..^= Buy a dog a toy and it will play with it for ever. Buy a cat a present and it will play
with the wrapper for 10 minutes.

=^..^= Cat's motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make
it look like the dog did it.

=^..^= Cat rule: Bite the hand that won't feed you fast enough.

=^..^= Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments,
but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia.

=^..^= Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.

=^..^= Cats aren't clean, they're just covered with cat spit.

=^..^= Cats don't hunt seals. They would if they knew what they were and where
to find them. But they don't, so that's all right.

=^..^= Cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up.
Then they wake them 10 minutes sooner.

=^..^= Cats know what we feel. They don't care, but they know.

=^..^= Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want.

=^..^= Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.

=^..^= Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God.

=^..^= I had to get rid of my wife. The cat was allergic!"