A Funny - 10 New Words...

10 New Words

These are 10 fake words that should perhaps become words.
I found this at the blog humor section.

1. AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks'trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub
tap on and off with your toes.

2. CARPERPETUATION (kar'pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when vacuuming,
of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times,
reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back
down to give the vacuum one more chance.

3. DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt') v. To sterilize the piece of confection (lolly)
you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will
somehow 'remove' all the germs.

4. ELBONICS (el bon'iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one
armrest in a movie theater.

5. FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the
dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally
decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.

6. LACTOMANGULATION (lak' to man gyu lay' shun) n. Manhandling the
'open here' spout on a milk container so badly that one has to
resort to the 'illegal side'.

7. PEPPIER (peph ee ay') n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose
seems to be walking around asking diners if they want fresh
ground pepper.

8. PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and
forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.

9. PUPKUS (pup'kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses
its nose to it.

10. TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay' shun) n. The act of always letting the
phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're
only six inches away.

More of You Might be a Redneck If...

You Might be a Redneck If...

* On stag night, you take a real deer.
* You use a 55 Chevy as a guest house.
* Your back porch is bigger than your house.
* There is more oil in your cap than in your car.
* You think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.
* A full-grown ostrich has fewer feathers than your
cowboy hat.
* An expired license plate means another decoration
for your living room wall.
* You think 'Old Yeller' is a movie about your brother’s tooth.
* You watch 'Little House on the Prairie' for decorating tips.
* Your secret family recipe is illegal.
* You've ever used a bathtub as a punch bowl.
* You broke a toe when you dropped your belt buckle on it.
* You've ever worn flip-flops to a funeral home.
* You have visitation rights to a dog.
* Your voice changed while you were in the second grade.
* Your wedding invitations say "Same time, same place".
* You list dogs as dependants on your tax forms.
* Your taxidermist also does your taxes.
* You love lard sandwiches.
* You've ever let your dog babysit your kids.
* Your security system is the latch on your screen door.
* Most of your prayers involve winning a sporting event.
* You've ever caught bugs just so you could throw them at
your bug zapper.
* Your financial planner told you to buy lottery tickets.
* There are more things growing in your refrigerator than in
your yard.
* Your favorite restaurant has sawdust on the floor.
* You've ever left a bingo game in handcuffs.
* You've ever put a race car on a prayer list.
* You've ever had a dream about beef jerky.
* You've used a barstool as a walker.
* You flush the toilet and the dog thinks you're giving him
fresh water.
* You think your dashboard is the best pace to keep
your hats.
* You're driving a vehicle that has no original body parts.
* Your favorite recipe includes Vienna Sausages.

Which one made you laugh the hardest? Can you add any?

Fun and Funny Quotes by Famous Athletes

Fun and Funny Quotes by Famous Athletes


"Nobody in football should be called a genius.
A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
- Joe Theismann
g

"I wan' all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me.
I wan' all the kids to copulate me."
- Andre Dawson, Chicago Cubs outfielder
g

"I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl."
- Joe Jacobi, Redskins
"To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too."
- Matt Millen, Raiders, upon hearing Joe Jacobi's statement
g

"You guys line up alphabetically by height.",
and,
"You guys pair up in groups of three,
and then line up in a circle."
- Bill Peterson, Florida State football coach
g

"My sister's expecting a baby,
and I don't know if I'm going to be an aunt or an uncle."
- Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player
g

"I told him, 'Son, what is it with you?
Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said,'Coach,
I don't know and I don't care.'"
- Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player
g

"I can go to my left or right, I am amphibious."
- Charles Shackelford, NC State
g

"That's so when I forget how to spell my name,
I can still find my clothes."
- Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing,
explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself
above his locker
g

"He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings."
- Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver
g

"I want to rush for 1,000, or 1,500 yards,
whichever comes first."
- George Rogers, New Orleans Saint running back

Happy Mother's Day!, Mom Quotes...

Quotes and a Verse on Mothers and Motherhood


"Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her."
- Proverbs 31:28
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"It seems to me that my mother was the most splendid woman
I ever knew. I have met a lot of people knocking around the world since,
but I have never met a more thoroughly refined woman than my mother.
If I have amounted to anything, it will be due to her."
- Charles Chaplin
Y

"The mother's heart is the child's schoolroom."
- H. W. Beecher
Y

"Is my mother my friend? I would have to say, first of all
she is my Mother, with a capital 'M'; she's something sacred to me.
I love her dearly... Yes, she is also a good friend,
someone I can talk openly with if I want to."
- Sophia Loren
Y

"At work, you think of the children you have left at home.
At home, you think of the work you've left unfinished.
Such a struggle is unleashed within yourself. Your heart is rent."
- Golda Meir
Y

"Mother is the name of God in the lips and hearts of children."
- William Makepeace Thackeray
Y

"There never was a woman like her. She was gentle as a dove and brave
as a lioness. The memory of my mother and her teachings were,
after all, the only capital I had to start life with,
and on that capital I have made my way."
- Andrew Jackson
Y

"If you bungle raising your children,
I don't think whatever else you do well matters very much."
- Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis
Y

"The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere
pleasant - and let the air out of the tires."
- Dorothy Parker

- Dedicated to my little mommy who taught me how to enjoy the little things in life.
Love you, mom!! Happy Mother's Day, mom, and all the moms out there!!

Mother's Day Quotes...

Quotes for Mother's Day


"Mother - that was the bank where we deposited all our hurts and worries."
- T. DeWitt Talmage
Y

"God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers."
- A Jewish Proverb
Y

"To describe my mother would be to write about a hurricane
in its perfect power."
- Maya Angelou
Y

"The sweetest sounds to mortals given
Are heard in Mother,
Home, and Heaven."
- William Goldsmith Brown
Y

"Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly."
- Ambrose Bierce
Y

"The mother-child relationship is paradoxical and, in a sense,
tragic. It requires the most intense love on the mother's side,
yet this very love must help the child grow away from the mother,
and become fully independent."
- Erich Fromm
Y

"When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts.
A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once
for her child."
- Sophia Loren
Y

"If motherhood teaches us anything it's that we can't change
our children, only ourselves."
- Katrina Kenison
Y

"A mother is a person, who seeing there are only four pieces of pie
for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie."
- Tenneva Jordan
Y

"If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?"
- Milton Berle
Y

"There was never a child so lovely but his mother was glad to get him asleep."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson