Funny, Inaccurate Predictions
"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers."
- Thomas Watson, IBM, 1943
:-o
"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home."
- Ken Olsen, Digital Equipment Corp, 1977
:-o
"This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as
a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us."
- Western Union Memo, 1876
:-o
"The Americans have need of the telephone, but we do not.
We have plenty of messenger boys."
- Sir William Preece, British Post Office, 1876
:-o
"The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value.
Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?"
- David Sarnoff's associates in response to his urgings
for investment in the radio, 1920s
:-o
"While theoretically and technically television may be feasible,
commercially and financially it is an impossibility."
- Lee DeForest, inventor
:-o
"Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?"
- H. M. Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927
:-o
"It will be years - not in my time -
before a woman will become Prime Minister."
- Margaret Thatcher, 1974
:-o
"There is not the slightest indication that nuclear energy
will ever be obtainable. It would mean that the atom
would have to be shattered at will."
- Albert Einstein, 1932
:-o
"Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction."
- Pierre Pachet, Professor of Physiology at Toulouse, 1872
:-o
"The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from
the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon."
- Sir John Eric Ericksen, British surgeon
(appointed Surgeon-Extraordinary to Queen Victoria, 1873)
:-o
"Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau."
- Irving Fisher, Professor, Yale University, 1929
Dog Quotes and a Verse
"A righteous man cares for the needs
of his animal... "
- Proverbs 12:10
<><
"Dogs are not our whole life,
but they make our lives whole."
- Roger Caras
~
"My little dog - a heartbeat at my feet."
- Edith Wharton
~
"The dog is a gentleman;
I hope to go to his heaven, not man's."
- Mark Twain
~
"Dogs are the only thing on earth that loves you more
than he loves himself."
- Josh Billings
~
"I think dogs are the most amazing creatures;
they give unconditional love.
For me they are the role model for being alive."
- Gilda Radner
~
"Dogs have given us their absolute all.
We are the center of their universe.
We are the focus of their love and faith and trust.
They serve us in return for scraps. It is without a doubt
the best deal man has ever made."
- Roger Caras
~
"There is no psychiatrist in the world like
a puppy licking your face."
- Ben Williams
~
"Happiness is a warm puppy."
- Charles M. Schulz
~
"Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked
in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives."
- Sue Murphy
~
"Dogs lives are too short. Their only fault, really."
- Agnes Sligh Turnbull
~
"Every dog has his day -
but the nights are reserved for the cats."
- Author Unknown
~
"I named my dog Stay so I can say,
'Come here, Stay. Come here, Stay.'"
- Steven Wright
~
"A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog.
He picks the dog up and starts swinging it around his head.
Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?'
'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'"
- Tommy Cooper
Happiness Quotes
(Part 2)
"Happiness depends upon ourselves."
- Aristotle
=)
"Very little is needed to make a happy life."
- Marcus Aurelius Antonius
=)
"Happiness is when what you think, what you say,
and what you do are in harmony."
- Mahatma Gandhi
=)
"Growth itself contains the germ of happiness."
- Pearl S. Buck
=)
"True happiness is of a retired nature, and an
enemy to pomp and noise; it arises, in the first place,
from the enjoyment of one's self, and in the next from the
friendship and conversation of a few select companions."
- Joseph Addison
=)
"Slow down and enjoy life.
It's not only the scenery you miss by going too fast -
you also miss the sense of where you are going and why."
- Eddie Cantor
=)
"Happiness often sneaks in through a door
you didn't know you left open."
- John Barrymore
=)
"There is only one happiness in life,
to love and be loved."
- George Sand
=)
"The truth which has made us free will
in the end make us glad also."
- Felix Adler
=)
"I am a kind of paranoiac in reverse.
I suspect people of plotting to make me happy."
- J. D. Salinger
=)
"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring,
close-knit family in another city."
- George Burns
=)
"One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory."
- Rita Mae Brown
Heaven's Orientation
After dying in a car crash, three friends go to Heaven for orientation.
All are asked the same question: "When you are in your casket and
friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear
them say about you?"
The first guy immediately responds, "I would like to hear them say that
I was one of the great doctors of my time and a great family man."
The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful
husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our
children of tomorrow."
The last guy thinks a minute and replies, "I would like to hear them
say... LOOK, HE'S MOVING!"
******
Cross-Eyed Rotweiler
A man takes his Rotweiler to the vet. "My dog's cross eyed.
Is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the
dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy."
Wal-Mart Shopping
A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart. The husband picks up a
case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.
“What do you think you're doing?” asks the wife.
“They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,” he replies.
“Put them back, we can't afford them,” demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.
A few aisles further along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in
the basket.
“What do you think you're doing?” asks the husband.
“It’s my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,” replies the wife.
Her husband retorts, “So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price.”
Moments later on the PA system: “Cleanup on aisle 25, we have a husband down.”
