Funny, Punny Names...

Funny, Punny Names

Oh What A Relief It Is: Al Kaseltzer
New Mexico Tour Book: Albie Kerky
The Palace Roof Has A Hole: Lee King
Lawn Care: Ray King
Exercise On Wheels: Cy Kling
I Hate The Sun: Gladys Knight
Teach Me: I. Wanda Know
Better Mental Health: Cy Kosis
Breaking The Law: Kermit A. Krime
NHL Hockey: Stanley Kupp
Those Funny Dogs: Joe Kur
I Like Weeding Gardens: Manuel Labor
How To Overcome Stress: R.E. Lachs
Care For A Chop?: Marsha Larts
Fallen Underwear: Lucy Lastic
Military Rule: Marshall Law
Cut The Grass: Moses Lawn
Manana: Stew Layt
To Be Honest: Frank Lee
The Lady Pirate: Peg Legg
Pain In My Body: Otis Leghurts
The Philippine Post Office: Imelda Letter
Not A Guitar: Amanda Lin
Holmes Does It Again: Scott Linyard
Bring To The Grocer's: R. List
Classic Groceries: Chopin Liszt
The Effects Of Alcohol: Sir Osis of Liver
Employment Handbook: Ernie Living
How To Break In: Jimmy De Lock

Do you have any to add? I would love to hear them.
Place in comments section.

Puns For The Educated Mind...

Puns For The Educated Mind

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island,
but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
3. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because
it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
8. A hand grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other,
"You stay here, I'll go on a head.'"
14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then, it hit me.
15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said, "Keep off the Grass."
16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his
grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, "No change yet."
17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
18. It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the
balls to do it.
19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
21. A backward poet writes inverse.
22. In democracy, it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your count
that votes.
23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
24. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects.

* Thanks, Shawn!!

Puns...

Puns

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in their craft it
sank - proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

******

Q: What time is it when it is time to go to the dentist?
A: Tooth hurty.

******

Q: Why did the golfer bring two pair of pants to the game?
A: In case he got a whole in one.

******

There was a man who entered the local newspaper's pun contest. He sent in ten
different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately,
no pun in ten did.

******

A guy goes to a psychiatrist. "Doc, I keep having these alternating, recurring dreams.
First I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam; then I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam. It's
driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?"

The doctor replies: "It's very simple. You're two tents."

******

A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and
announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

******

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in
Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him
"Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mom. Upon receiving the
picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her
husband responds, "But they are twins - if you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal.

******

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an
impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather
frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him.... A super
callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

Indpendence Day Jokes and Puns...

I found these jokes and puns at Funny Quotes. It is a fun and funny blog
if you want to pop over and read it sometime. I am not a lover of puns,
but I know some people really like them (right, dad!?! LOL)... so here
you go... and Happy 4th of July everyone! I hope you all are enjoying
your holiday!! Val =)



4th of July Jokes and Puns

How is a healthy person like the United States?
They both have good constitutions!

What quacks, has webbed feet, and betrays his country?
Beneduck Arnold!

What's big, cracked, and carries your luggage?
The Liberty Bellhop!

What kind of tea did the American colonists thirst for?
Liberty!

What was General Washington's favorite tree?
The infantry!

What protest by a group of dogs occurred in 1773?
The Boston Flea Party!

What happened as a result of the Stamp Act?
The Americans licked the British!

What ghost haunted King George III?
The Spirit of '76!

Did you hear about the cartoonist in the Continental Army?
He was a Yankee doodler!

Why did Paul Revere ride his horse from Boston to Lexington?
Because the horse was too heavy to carry!

What would you get if you crossed a patriot
with a small curly-haired dog?
Yankee Poodle!

Did you hear the one about the Liberty Bell?
Yeah, it cracked me up!

What did one flag say to the other flag?
Nothing. It just waved!

What dance was very popular in 1776?
Indepen-dance!

What march would you play at a jungle parade?
"Tarzan Stripes Forever"!

Why is the Liberty Bell like a dropped Easter egg?
Because they're both cracked!

What was the craziest battle of the Revolutionary War?
The Battle of Bonkers Hill.

Easter Puns...

Easter Puns

Q. What do you call a rabbit with fleas?
A. Bugs Bunny

Q. What’s the best way to catch a unique rabbit?
A. You ‘nique up on him.

Q. How do you catch a tame rabbit?
A. Tame way, unique up on it.

Q. What do you call a line of rabbits walking backwards?
A. A receding hareline

Q. How do you know carrots are good for your eyes?
A. Have you ever seen a rabbit with glasses?

Q. What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a boy scout?
A. A boy scout who helps little old ladies hop across the street.

Q. What do you get when you cross a rabbit with an elephant?
A. An elephant who never forgets to eat his carrots.

Q. Why can’t a rabbit’s nose be twelve inches long?
A. Then it would be a foot.

Q. How can you tell which rabbits are the oldest in a group?
A. Just look for the gray hares.

Q. What do rabbits have that nothing else in the world has?
A. Baby rabbits.

Q. "Waitress, what’s this hare doing in my soup?"
A. "Looks like the back stroke."

Q. What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit hole?
A. A hot cross bunny

Q. Why does the Easter Bunny have such a shiny nose?
A. His powder puff’s on the wrong end.

Q. How do you make a rabbit stew?
A. Make it wait for 3 hours!

Q. What goes ha-ha-clunk?
A. A bunny laughing its head off.