Joke - Rick is Missing

Rick is Missing

Rick was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She said to him, "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less than 10 seconds, AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!"

The next morning Rick got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, and brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Rick is missing...

"A Woman" from Maya Angelou...

"A Woman" from Maya Angelou

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
enough money within her control to move out
and rent a place of her own,
even if she never wants to or needs to...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
something perfect to wear if the employer
or date of her dreams
wants to see her in an hour...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
a youth she's content to leave behind...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to
retelling it in her old age....

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill,
and a black lace bra...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
one friend who always makes her laugh..
and one who lets her cry...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
a good piece of furniture not previously owned
by anyone else in her family...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems,
and a recipe for a meal that will make
her guests feel honored...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
a feeling of control over her destiny..

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to fall in love without losing herself...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to quit a job, break up with a lover,
and confront a friend without
ruining the friendship...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
when to try harder... and WHEN TO WALK
AWAY...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
that she can't change the length of her calves,
the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
that her childhood may not have been perfect...
but it's over...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
what she would and wouldn't do for love. or more...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW....
how to live alone... even if she doesn't like it...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
whom she can trust, whom she can't,
and why she shouldn't take it personally...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
where to go... be it to her best friend's kitchen table...
or a charming Inn in the woods.... when her soul needs
soothing...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
What she can and can't accomplish in a day...
a month... and a year...