Joke - New Years Resolutions For Internet Junkies

New Years Resolutions For Internet Junkies

* I will try to figure out why I "really"
need 12 e-mail addresses.

* I will stop sending e-mail to my wife (husband).
A phone call every now and then would be appreciated.

* I will answer my snail mail with the same
enthusiasm with which I answer my e-mail.

* I will stop sending e-mail, ICQ, and instant messages and
be on the phone at the same time with the same person.

* I resolve to back up my 12GB hard drive daily...
well, once a week... okay, monthly then...
or maybe... at least once a year.

* I will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet.
This, of course, will be hard to estimate since I'm not
a clock watcher. (One hour :-o!!! LOL Tee Hee..)

* I will stop checking my e-mail at 3:00 in the morning.
4:30 is much more practical since my friends
overseas already had time to answer me by then.

* When I hear a funny joke, I will
not reply, "LOL... LOL!"

* I will read the manual... just as
soon as I can find it.

* I will think of a password other than "password".

* I resolve... I resolve to... I resolve to, uh...
I resolve to, uh, get my, er... I resolve to, uh,
get my, er, off-line work done, too!

Jokes for the New Year...

A Bad Dream?

Jemima was taking an afternoon nap on New Year's Eve before the festivities.

After she woke up, she confided to Max, her husband, "I just dreamed that you
gave me a diamond ring for a New Year's present! What do you think it all means?"

"Aha, you'll know tonight," answered Max smiling broadly.

At midnight, as the New Year was chiming, Max approached Jemima and
handed her a small package. Delighted and excited, she opened it quickly.

There in her hand rested a book entitled, 'The Meaning of Dreams'.

*******

New Year's Day Party - That Never Was?

As in many homes on New Year's Day, Janet and Nigel, a happily married couple,
faced the annual conflict of which was more important - the football match
on television, or the lunch itself.

Hoping to keep the peace, Nigel ate lunch with the rest of the family, and even
lingered for some pleasant after-lunch chat, before retiring to the lounge
to turn on the television.

Some minutes later, Janet looked in to see how Nigel was and graciously
even brought him a cold beer. She smiled, kissed him on the cheek,
and asked what the score was. Nigel told her it was half time and that
the score was still 0 - 0.

"See?" Janet said happily, "You didn't miss a thing."

Joke - New Year's Eve Lecture

New Year's Eve Lecture

On New Year's Eve, Daniel was in no shape to drive, so he sensibly left his van in the
car park and walked home. As he was wobbling along, he was stopped by a policeman.
"What are you doing out here at four o'clock in the morning?" asked the police officer.

"I'm on my way to a lecture," answered Roger.

"And who on earth, in their right mind, is going to give a lecture at this
time on New Year's Eve?" enquired the constable sarcastically.

"My wife," slurred Daniel grimly.


Val