Fun and Funny Christmas Quotes...

Fun and Funny Christmas Quotes

"In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season;

the Christians called it 'Christmas' and went to church;

the Jews called it 'Hanukka' and went to synagogue;

the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing

each other on the street would say 'Merry Christmas!'

or 'Happy Hanukka!' or (to the atheists)

'Look out for the wall!'"

- Dave Barry

“I bought my Christmas tree today. I think I made

a mistake though. I bought the three year extended

warranty. I don’t think I need that.”

- Jay Leno

"Mail your packages early so the post office

can lose them in time for Christmas."

- Johnny Carson

"Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has

never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present."

- Author Unknown

"The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in

the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other."

- Johnny Carson

"Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year."

- Victor Borge

"Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching

to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola,

fast food, and beer... Who'd have ever guessed that product

consumption, popular entertainment, and spirituality would

mix so harmoniously?"

- Bill Watterson, 'Calvin & Hobbes'

"Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and

tears out faster than the Christmas spirit."

- Frank McKinney Hubbard

"Merry Christmas, Nearly Everybody!"

- Ogden Nash

"Roses are reddish

Violets are bluish

If it weren't for Christmas

We'd all be Jewish."

- Benny Hill

Fun and Funny Christmas Quotes...

Fun and Funny Christmas Quotes


"There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence
at Christmastime. Mature, responsible, grown men wear neckties
made of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with
raw egg yolks and cottage cheese in them."
- P. J. O'Rourke
1

"A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory,
like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together."
- Garrison Keillor
1

"Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree.
In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall."
- Larry Wilde
1

"Christmas is the season when you buy this year's gifts
with next year's money."
- Author Unknown
1

"From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist
it would be necessary to invent it."
- Katharine Whitehorn
1

"Oh, for the good old days when people would stop
Christmas shopping when they ran out of money."
- Author Unknown
1

"I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas
with a note on it saying, 'toys not included'."
- Bernard Manning
1

"Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has
never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present."
- Author Unknown
1

"I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see
him in a department store and he asked for my autograph."
- Shirley Temple
1

"You know you're getting old when Santa starts looking younger."
- Robert Redford
1

"The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in
the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other."
- Johnny Carson
1

"Roses are reddish
Violets are bluish
If it weren't for Christmas
We'd all be Jewish."
- Benny Hill

Quotes and a Verse for Christmas

Quotes and a Verse for Christmas

"Therefore the Lord Himself will give you a sign. Behold, the virgin shall
conceive and bear a son, and shall call His name Immanuel."
- Isaiah 7:14
<><

"This is Christmas: not the tinsel, not the giving and receiving,
not even the carols, but the humble heart that receives anew
the wondrous gift, the Christ."
- Frank McKibben
o

"Our hearts grow tender with childhood memories and love of kindred,
and we are better throughout the year for having, in spirit,
become a child again at Christmas-time."
- Laura Ingalls Wilder
o

"There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning
and not be a child."
- Erma Bombeck
o

"Christmas - that magic blanket that wraps itself about us,
that something so intangible that it is like a fragrance. It may
weave a spell of nostalgia. Christmas may be a day of feasting,
or of prayer, but always it will be a day of remembrance -
a day in which we think of everything we have ever loved."
- Augusta E. Rundel
o

"Christmas is the day that holds all time together."
- Alexander Smith
o

"The joy of brightening other lives, bearing others' burdens,
easing other's loads and supplanting empty hearts and lives with
generous gifts becomes for us the magic of Christmas."
- W. C. Jones
o

"It comes every year and will go on forever.
And along with Christmas belong the keepsakes and the customs.
Those humble, everyday things a mother clings to, and ponders,
like Mary in the secret spaces of her heart."
- Marjorie Holmes
o

"Blessed is the season which engages the whole world
in a conspiracy of love!"
- Hamilton Wright Mabie
o

"The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree:
the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other."
- Burton Hillis
o

"I will honor Christmas in my heart,
and try to keep it all the year."
- Charles Dickens
o

"And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow, stood puzzling
and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons.
It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags.
And he puzzled and puzzled 'till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before.
What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store.
What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more."
- Theodor Geisel (Dr. Seuss)

Christmas Quotes in Literature and on TV...

Christmas Quotes in Literature and on Television

"I have always thought of Christmas time,
when it has come round, as a good time; a kind,
forgiving, charitable time; the only time I know of,
in the long calendar of the year, when men and women
seem by one consent to open their shut-up hearts freely,
and to think of people below them as if they really
were fellow passengers to the grave, and not another
race of creatures bound on other journeys."
- Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol
---
"There is nothing sadder in this world than to awake
on Christmas morning and not be a child."
Erma Bombeck, I Lost Everything in the Post-Natal Depression
---
"Christmas is a time when people of all religions
come together to worship Jesus Christ."
- Bart Simpson, The Simpsons
---
"Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree.
In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall."
- Larry Wilde, in The Merry Book of Christmas
---
"Mail your packages early so the post office
can lose them in time for Christmas."
- Johnny Carson
---
Linus Van Pelt:
"And there were in the same country
shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their
flock by night. And lo, the angel of the Lord came upon
them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them:
and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them,
'Fear not: for behold, I bring unto you good tidings of great
joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day
in the City of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord. And
this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped
in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.' And suddenly
there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host,
praising God, and saying, 'Glory to God in the highest,
and on earth peace, good will toward men.'"

[Linus picks up his blanket and walks
back towards Charlie Brown]

Linus Van Pelt:
"That's what Christmas is all
about, Charlie Brown."
- Charles Schulz, Charlie Brown Christmas
---
"Roses are reddish
Violets are bluish
If it weren't for Christmas
We'd all be Jewish."
- Benny Hill
---
"Somehow, not only for Christmas
But all the long year through,
The joy that you give to others
Is the joy that comes back to you.

And the more you spend in blessing
The poor and lonely and sad,
The more of your heart's possessing
Returns to you glad."
- John Greenleaf Whittier

Fun and Funny Christmas Quotes!...

Fun and Funny Christmas Quotes

"In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season;
the Christians called it 'Christmas' and went to church;
the Jews called it 'Hanukkah' and went to synagogue;
the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing
each other on the street would say 'Merry Christmas!'
or 'Happy Hanukkah!' or (to the atheists)
'Look out for the wall!'"
- Dave Barry, "Christmas Shopping: A Survivor's Guide"

"Christmas is a race to see which gives first -
your money or your feet."
- Author Unknown

"Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times
more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early.
And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus,
we'll be seeing six or seven."
- W. C. Fields

"Santa Claus has the right idea.
Visit people once a year."
- Victor Borge

"A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory,
like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together."
- Garrison Keillor

"Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past
forgotten and his present remembered. What I don't like about
office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day."
- Phyllis Diller

"I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white man
would be coming into my neighborhood after dark."
- Dick Gregory

"Christmas is the Disneyfication of Christianity."
- Don Cupitt

"I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas
with a note on it saying, toys not included."
- Bernard Manning

"I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six.
Mother took me to see him in a department store
and he asked for my autograph."
- Shirley Temple

"The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in
the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other."
- Johnny Carson

"You know you're getting old when
Santa starts looking younger."
- Robert Paul

"And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow,
stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so?
It came without ribbons. It came without tags.
It came without packages, boxes or bags.
And he puzzled and puzzled 'till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before.
What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store.
What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more."
- Theodor Geisel (Dr. Seuss)

Christmas Quotes

Christmas Quotes

"What is Christmas? It is tenderness for the
past, courage for the present, hope for the future.
It is the fervent wish that every cup may overflow
with blessings rich and eternal, and that
every path may lead to peace."
- Agnes Pharo

"The best of all gifts around any
Christmas tree: the presence of a happy
family all wrapped up in each other."
- Burton Hillis

"Blessed is the Season which engages
the whole world in a conspiracy of love."
- Hamilton Wright Mabie

"Christmas waves a magic wand over
this world, and behold, everything is
softer and more beautiful."
- Norman Vincent Peale

"A Christmas candle is a lovely thing;
it makes no noise at all, but softly
gives itself away."
- Eva Logue

"Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus.
He exists as certainly as love and generosity and
devotion exists, and you know that they abound
and give to your life its highest beauty and joy."
- Charles Dana

"I will honor Christmas in my heart
and try to keep it all the year."
- Charles Dickens

"Christmas is the day that
holds all time together."
- Alexander Smith

"The only blind person at Christmastime is
he who has not Christmas in his heart."
- Helen Keller

"Perhaps the best Yuletide decoration
is being wreathed in smiles."
- Author Unknown

Do you have a favorite quote?

Does one spark a memory?