Fun and Funny Quotes...

Fun and Funny Quotes

"Tear my heart out, slow roast me over a fire, pull off my
eyebrows strand by strand, push pins though my fingernails...
do anything to me, anything but a Monday."

- Prabhudoss Samuel

C=

"My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took
her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom,
they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'"

- Paula Poundstone

C=

"It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library
and go, 'Aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But
you do the same thing on an airplane, and everyone joins in."

- Tommy Cooper

C=

"If your boss is getting you down, look at him through
the prongs of a fork and imagine him in jail."

- David Brent

C=

"Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things."

- George Carlin

C=

"My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him...
If you don't mind I'd like a second opinion. He said,
'Alright... you're ugly too!'"

- Rodney Dangerfield

C=

"I don't have a photograph, but you can have
my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks."

- Groucho Marx

C=

"I am thankful for laughter, except when milk
comes out of my nose."

- Woody Allen

C=

"Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled
for a reason."

- Jerry Seinfeld