Robert Louis Stevenson Quotes
"Life is not a matter of holding good cards,
but of playing a poor hand well."
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"I travel not to go anywhere, but to go.
I travel for travel's sake. The great affair is to move."
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"The difficulty of literature is not to write,
but to write what you mean."
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"Books are good enough in their own way,
but they are a poor substitute for life."
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"Absences are a good influence in love and keep it
bright and delicate."
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"Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap,
but by the seeds you plant."
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"Everybody, soon or late,
sits down to a banquet of consequences."
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"A friend is a gift you give yourself."
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"Everyone lives by selling something."
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"Compromise is the best and cheapest lawyer."
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"I've a grand memory for forgetting."
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"It's a pleasant thing to be young, and have ten toes."
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"There is only one difference between a long life and a
good dinner: that, in the dinner the sweets come last."
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"Every man has a sane spot somewhere."
Shopping For A Turkey
It was Christmas Eve in a supermarket and a woman was anxiously picking over the
last few remaining turkeys in the hope of finding a large one.
In desperation she called over a shop assistant and said, "Excuse me, do these
turkeys get any bigger?"
"No," he replied, "they're all dead."
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Christmas Spirit
It was just before Christmas and the magistrate was in a happy mood. He asked the
prisoner who was in the dock, "What are you charged with?"
The prisoner replied, "Doing my Christmas shopping too early."
"That's no crime," said the magistrate. "Just how early were you doing this shopping?"
"Before the shop opened," answered the prisoner.
Christmas Shopping for Men
Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is for women.
Follow these rules and you should have no problems...
Rule #1
When in doubt – buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one.
I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never
have too many cordless drills. No one knows why.
Rule #2
If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or
socket in it. Men love saying those two words. “Hey George, can I borrow your
ratchet?” “OK. By the way, are you done with my 3/8-inch socket yet?” Again,
no one knows why.
Rule #3
If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. A 99-cent ice scraper,
a small bottle of de-icer, or something to hang from his rear-view mirror. Men love
gifts for their cars. No one knows why.
Rule #4
Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy men bathrobes. I was
told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he would not have invented
Jockey shorts.
Rule #5
You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out. If
you have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen TV with the little picture in the
corner. Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips.
Rule #6
Do not buy a man any of those fancy liqueurs. If you do, it will sit in a cupboard
for 23 years. Real men drink whiskey or beer.
Rule #7
Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after shave or deodorant. I’m told
they do not stink – they are earthy.
Rule #8
Buy men label makers. They are almost as good as cordless drills. Within a couple
of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. “Socks. Shorts. Cups.
Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink.” You get the idea. No one knows why.
Rule #9
Never buy a man anything that says “some assembly required” on the box. It will
ruin his Special Day and he will always have parts left over.
Rule #10
Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works, Parr Lumber, Home
Depot, John Deere, Valley RV Center, and Les Schwab Tire. NAPA Auto Parts and
Sear’s Clearance Centers are also excellent men’s stores. It doesn’t matter if he
doesn’t know what it is. “From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need. Hey,
isn’t this a starter for a ‘68 Ford Fairlane?! Wow! Thanks!!”)
Rule #11
Men enjoy danger. That’s why they never cook – but they will barbecue. Get him
a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks.
Oh the thrill! The challenge! "Who wants a hamburger?”
Rule #12
Tickets to a Red Wing/Lions/Pistons/Tigers game are a smart gift. However, he will
not appreciate tickets to “A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts”. Everyone knows
why.
Rule #13
Men love chain saws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chain saw. If you don’t know
why – please refer to Rule #8 and what happens when he gets a label maker.
Rule #14
It’s hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder. Never
buy a real man a step ladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one knows why.
Rule #15
Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at least The Boy
Scouts. Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8" manilla rope. No one knows
why.
Christmas at a Monastery
At a monastery high in the mountains, the monks have a rigid vow of silence. Only at
Christmas, and only by one monk, and only with one sentence, is the vow allowed to
be broken.
One Christmas, Brother Thomas is allowed to speak and he says, "I like the mashed
potatoes we have with the Christmas turkey!" and he sits down. Silence ensues for
365 days.
The next Christmas, Brother Michael has his turn and says, "I think the mashed
potatoes are lumpy and I hate them!"
Once again, silence ensues for 366 days (it's leap year). The following Christmas,
Brother Paul rises and says, "I am fed up with this constant bickering!"
Holiday TV Guide
Monday, November 30, 2009
Silver Bells – Hallmark, 12:00 p.m.
One Magic Christmas – Hallmark, 2:00 p.m.
Off Season – Hallmark, 4:00 p.m.
The Dog Who Saved Christmas (2009) – ABC Family, 6:00 p.m.
Naughty or Nice – ABC Family, 8:00 p.m.
National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation (1989) – AMC, 8:00 p.m.
Moonlight & Mistletoe – Hallmark, 8:00 p.m.
How the Grinch Stole Christmas – ABC, 8:00 p.m.
Shrek the Halls – ABC, 8:30 p.m.
Mr. St. Nick – Hallmark, 10:00 p.m.
National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation (1989) – AMC, 10:15 p.m.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Moonlight & Mistletoe – Hallmark, 12:00 p.m.
Mr. St. Nick – Hallmark, 2:00 p.m.
Our First Christmas – Hallmark, 4:00 p.m.
Finding John Christmas – Hallmark, 6:00 p.m.
The Year Without a Santa Claus – ABC Family, 7:00 p.m.
A Charlie Brown Christmas – ABC, 8:00 p.m.
Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause – ABC Family, 8:00 p.m.
National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation (1989) – AMC, 8:00 p.m.
When Angels Come to Town – Hallmark, 8:00 p.m.
Disney’s Prep & Landing – ABC, 8:30 p.m.
The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show – CBS, 10:00 p.m.
A Grandpa for Christmas – Hallmark, 10:00 p.m.
The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause (2006) – ABC Family, 10:00 p.m.
National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation (1989) – AMC, 10:15 p.m.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Finding John Christmas- Hallmark, 12:00 p.m.
When Angels Come to Town – Hallmark, 2:00 p.m.
A Grandpa for Christmas – Hallmark, 4:00 p.m.
Fallen Angel – Hallmark, 6:00 p.m.
The Christmas Choir – Hallmark, 8:00 p.m.
Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer – CBS, 8:00 p.m.
Tree Lighting Ceremony at Rockefeller Center – NBC, 8:00 p.m.
National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation (1989) – AMC, 8:00 p.m.
National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation – AMC, 10:15 p.m.
I’ll Be Home for Christmas – Hallmark, 10:00 p.m.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
The Polar Express – ABC Family, 6:00 p.m.
A Christmas Carol (1938, Reginald Owen) – TCM, 8:00 p.m.
National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation – AMC, 8:00 p.m.
The Polar Express – ABC Family, 8:30 p.m.
National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation – AMC, 10:15 p.m.
Tenth Avenue Angel (1948) – TCM, 11:30 p.m.
Ebbie – Hallmark, 12:00 p.m.
Silent Night – Hallmark, 2:00 p.m.
I’ll Be Home for Christmas – Hallmark, 4:00 p.m.
Ebbie – Hallmark, 6:00 p.m.
A Diva’s Christmas Carol – Hallmark, 8:00 p.m.
Ms. Scrooge – Hallmark, 10:00 p.m.
Friday, December 4, 2009
A Christmas Carol – Hallmark, 12:00 p.m.
A Diva’s Christmas Carol – Hallmark, 2:00 p.m.
Ms. Scrooge – Hallmark, 4:00 p.m.
A Christmas Visitor – Hallmark, 6:00 p.m.
Frosty’s Winter Wonderland – ABC Family, 7:00 p.m.
The National Tree – Hallmark, 8:00 p.m.
National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation – AMC, 8:00 p.m.
Meet the Santas – Hallmark, 10:00 p.m.
National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation – AMC, 10:15 p.m.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Debbie Macomber’s Mrs. Miracle (2009) – Hallmark, 12:00 a.m.
Mickey’s Once Upon a Christmas – ABC Family, 7:00 a.m.
Richie Rich’s Christmas Wish – ABC Family, 8:30 a.m.
A Christmas Visitor – Hallmark, 10:00 a.m.
The Dog Who Saved Christmas – ABC Family, 10:30 a.m.
Holiday Affair – TCM, 1:45 p.m.
The National Tree – Hallmark, 2:00 p.m.
Meet the Santas – Hallmark, 4:00 p.m.
Elf – USA, 4:00 p.m.
The Most Wonderful Time of the Year – Hallmark, 6:00 p.m.
White Christmas – AMC, 8:00 p.m.
Debbie Macomber’s Mrs. Miracle- Hallmark, 8:00 p.m.
Debbie Macomber’s Mrs. Miracle – Hallmark, 10:00 p.m.
White Christmas – AMC, 10:45 p.m.
Home Alone 3 – ABC Family, 11:00 p.m.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Mickey’s Twice Upon a Christmas – ABC Family, 7:00 a.m.
A Dennis the Menace Christmas – ABC Family, 8:30 a.m.
Naughty or Nice – ABC Family, 10:30 p.m.
Christmas in Connecticut (1945) – TCM, 12:00 p.m.
Elf – USA, 12:00 p.m.
Do you have a favorite Christmas movie or special? I can watch "How the Grinch Stole Christmas"
over and over. I also like "The Year Without a Santa Claus". I adore the Misfit Toys. What about
you? Share with us!
P. S. I posted below this entry today. Click here if you missed it.
Thanks! Wishing all a great week! Sending joy... Val =)
Robert Louis Stevenson Quotes
