Joke - Late For Work...

Late For Work

Jones came into the office an hour late for the third time

in one week. He found the boss waiting for him.

"What's the story this time, Jones?" he asked sarcastically.

"Let's hear a good excuse for a change."

Jones sighed, "Everything went wrong this morning, boss.

The wife decided to drive me to the station. She got ready

in ten minutes. But on our way here, the drawbridge got

stuck. Rather than let you down, sir, I swam across the

river - look, my suit's still damp. I ran out to the airport,

got a ride on Mr. Thompson's helicopter, landed on top of

Radio City Music Hall, and was carried here piggy-back

by one of the Rockettes."

"You'll have to do better than that, Jones," said the boss,

obviously disappointed. "No woman can get ready in ten

minutes."

Joke - Three Envelopes...

Three Envelopes

A new manager spends a week at his new office with the manager

he is replacing. On the last day the departing manager tells him,

"I have left three numbered envelopes in the desk drawer. Open an

envelope if you encounter a crisis you can't solve."

Three months down the track there is a major drama. Everything goes

wrong - the usual stuff - and the manager feels very threatened by

it all. He remembers the parting words of his predecessor and opens

the first envelope. The message inside says, "Blame your predecessor!"

He does this and gets off the hook.

About half a year later, the company is experiencing a dip in sales,

combined with serious product problems. The manager quickly opens

the second envelope. The message reads, "Reorganize!" This he does,

and the company quickly rebounds.

Three months later, at his next crisis, he opens the third envelope.

The message inside says, "Prepare three envelopes."

Joke - Ooops...

Ooops

A man joined a big, multi-national company as a trainee.

On his first day, he dialed the kitchen and shouted into the phone,

"Get me a cup of coffee, quickly!"

The voice from the other side responded, "You fool! You've dialed

the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to?"

"No," replied the trainee.

"I'm the Managing Director of the company, you idiot!"

The trainee shouted back, "And do you know who YOU are talking to,

you IDIOT?"

"No!" replied the Managing Director angrily.

"Thank goodness!" replied the trainee and put down the phone.