A Funny - A Snow Diary...

A Snow Diary

November 8: 6:00 PM

It started to snow. The first snow of the season! We took out cocktails

and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift

down. It looked like a Grandma Moses print. So romantic. We felt like

newlyweds again. I love snow!

November 9

Woke to a blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape. What a

fantastic sight! Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for

the first time in years and felt like a boy again. Did both the driveway and

sidewalks. Later, the snowplow came along and I got to shovel again. What

a perfect life!

December 1

Sun melted all the lovely snow but my good neighbor said we'd have a

white Christmas. Then commented that by the end on winter, I'd never

want to see snow again. I doubt it.

December 14

Snow, lovely snow! 8" last night and cold, too. Wind took my breath away

but I warmed up shoveling. This is the life! Later, the snowplow came back

again, but I'm getting in better shape. Just wish I didn't huff and puff

so much.

December 15

20 inches in the forecast! Sold the van and bought a 4 x 4, snow tires for

the wife's car, and 2 extra. Shoveled, then stocked the freezer. Wife

wants a wood stove in case power goes off. I think that's silly - we aren't

in Alaska...

December 16

Ice storm this morning. Landed on my bottom trying to salt the driveway.

Hurt real bad. Wife laughed for an hour. (I think that was very cruel.)

December 17

Too cold and icy to go anywhere. Power was off for 5 hours. Piled on

blankets to stay warm with nothing to do but stare at the wife and try

not to upset her. Can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living

room. (Won't admit that I should have bought wood stove: hate it

when she's right.)

December 20

Power's back on. We had another 14" of the stuff. Shoveled all day.

Snowplow came by twice. Kids too busy playing hockey to help.

Hardware store sold out of snow blowers. Next shipment due in March.

Neighbor says I have to shovel or city will have it done and bill me.

(Think he's lying...)

December 22

White Christmas!!! 13" more of the white stuff and it's so cold, it won't

melt until August. Tried to shovel - just too tired. Tried to get help

from neighbor who has snow plow on his truck but he said he was too

busy. (Sure he's lying.)

December 23

Only 2" of snow today and had warmed up to 0 degrees. Wife wanted

me to decorate the front of the house. What is she nuts?!!! Why didn't

she tell me to do that a month ago? Says she did. (Think she's lying.)

December 24

6" more. Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. I'm

gonna get that snowplow driver! (I know he waits around the corner to

see if I'm finished, then roars by at a 100 mph, sending snow flying

all over.) Wife wanted me to sing carols with her and open our presents,

but I was busy watching for the darn snowplow.

December 25

Merry Christmas. Another 20" of the slop. Snowed in again and the

idea of shoveling makes my blood boil! *&%#@!!*& I hate
snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation. I
wanted to hit him over the head with my shovel! Wife says I have a bad
attitude. I think she's an idiot and if I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life"
one more time, I'll throw her in the snow bank!

December 26

Still snowed in.

December 27

Temperature dropped another 30 degrees and the pipes froze.

December 28

Warmed up to -25 degrees. Still snowed in and the wife is making me

crazy!!!!!!

December 29

Another 10" and neighbor says I have to shovel the roof before it caves in.

That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

December 30

Roof caved in. Another 9" in the forecast.

December 31

Set fire to what's left of the house: no more shoveling.

January 8

I feel sooooo good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me.

Why am I tied to the bed?

Joke - The Snowplow...

The Snowplow

One winter morning, a husband and wife in central South Dakota

were listening to the radio during breakfast. They heard the

announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today.

You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street,

so the snowplows can get through."

So the good wife went out and moved her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio

announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today.

You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street,

so the snowplows can get through."

The good wife went out and moved her car again.

The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio

announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today.

You must park... "

Then the electric power went out. The good wife was very upset,

and with a worried look on her face she said, "Honey, I don't know

what to do?! Which side of the street do I park on so the snowplows

can get through?"

With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are

married to blonde's exhibit, the husband replied, "Why don't you just

leave it in the garage this time?"

Joke - The Blonde in the Blizzard...

The Blonde in the Blizzard

It was snowing heavily and blowing to the point that visibility was almost zero
when the little blonde got off work. She made her way to her car and wondered
how she was going to make it home. She sat in her car while it warmed up
and thought about her situation.

The blonde finally remembered her daddy's advice that if she got caught in a
blizzard she should wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it. That way she
would not get stuck in a snow drift. This made her feel much better and sure
enough in a little while a snow plow came by and she started to follow it.

She was feeling very proud of herself and a little smug as she and the plow
continued on in the blizzard conditions.

After quite some time had passed, the blonde was somewhat surprised when the
snow plow stopped and the driver got out and came back to her car and signaled
for her to roll down her window.

The driver wanted to know if she was all right as she had been following him
for quite a long time.

The blonde told him she was fine and told him of her daddy's advice to follow a
snow plow when caught in a blizzard.

The driver replied, "Well that's just fine honey, and you can keep it up if you
want. I'm done here with the K-Mart parking lot and I gotta go cross the way
to Sam's Club next... "

Joke - How They Forecast a Cold Winter...

How They Forecast a Cold Winter

One day in early September the chief of a Native American tribe was asked
by his tribal elders if the winter of 2009/10 was going to be cold or mild.
The chief asked his medicine man, but he too had lost touch with the reading
signs from the natural world around the Great Lakes.

In truth, neither of them had idea about how to predict the coming winter.
However, the chief decided to take a modern approach and he telephoned the
National Weather Service in Gaylord, Michigan.

"Yes, it is going to be a cold winter," the meteorological officer told the chief.

Consequently, he went back to his tribe and told the men to collect plenty of
firewood.

A fortnight later the chief called the Weather Service and asked for an update.
"Are you still forecasting a cold winter?" he asked.

"Yes, very cold," the weather officer told him.

As a result of this brief conversation the chief went back to the tribe and told
his people to collect every bit of wood they could find.

A month later the chief called the National Weather Service once more and
asked about the coming winter.

"Yes," he was told, "it is going to be one of the coldest winters ever."


"How can you be so sure?" the chief asked.

The weatherman answered, "Because the Native Americans of the Great Lakes
are collecting wood like crazy."