Joke - Explolsively Funny...

Explosively Funny

Joe and Dave are hunting when Dave keels over.
Frantic, Joe dials 911 on his cell phone and blurts,
"My friend just dropped dead! What should I do?"

A soothing voice at the other end says,
"Don't worry, I can help.
First, let's make sure he's really dead."

After a brief silence, the operator hears a shot.
Then Joe comes back to the phone.

"Okay," he says nervously to the operator.
"What do I do next?"

Joke - Military Morons

Military Morons

This is an actual radio conversation between a United States Navy aircraft carrier (U.S.S. Abraham Lincoln) and Canadian authorities off the coast off Newfoundland in October, 1995.

(The radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on 10/10/95 as authorized by the Freedom of Information Act.)

CANADIANS: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

AMERICANS: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.

CANADIANS: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

AMERICANS: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

CANADIANS: No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.

AMERICANS: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER U.S.S. LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS, AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE OUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH... I SAY AGAIN... THAT'S ONE-FIVE DEGREES NORTH... OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP!!

CANADIANS: This is a lighthouse.