Joke - Doctor Gets Advice From Lawyer...

Doctor Gets Advice From Lawyer

A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly
interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free
medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer,
"What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out
of the office?"

"I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."

The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try. The next day, still feeling
slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills.

When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.

A Funny - Disorder in the Courts....

Disorder in the American Courts

Below is dialogue from a book called 'Disorder in the American Courts'. People said
these words in court - all taken down by court reporters (who had the torment of
staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place).

Attorney: What was the first thing your husband said to you
that morning?
Witness: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Attorney: And why did that upset you?
Witness: My name is Susan!

~~~~~~~~~~

Attorney: What gear were you in at the moment of impact?
Witness: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

~~~~~~~~~~

Attorney: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
Witness: I forget...
Attorney: You forget? Can you give us an example of something
you forgot?

~~~~~~~~~~

Attorney: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved
in voodoo?
Witness: We both do.
Attorney: Voodoo?
Witness: We do.
Attorney: You do?
Witness: Yes, voodoo.

~~~~~~~~~~

Attorney: Can you describe the individual?
Witness: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Attorney: Was this a male or female?
Witness: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.

~~~~~~~~~~

Attorney: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on
dead people?
Witness: All of them... The live ones put up too much of a fight.

~~~~~~~~~~

Attorney: All of your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did
you go to?
Witness: Oral.

~~~~~~~~~~

Attorney: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for
a pulse?
Witness: No.
Attorney: Did you check for blood pressure?
Witness: No.
Attorney: Did you check for breathing?
Witness: No.
Attorney: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
began the autopsy?
Witness: No.
Attorney: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
Witness: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Attorney: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
Witness: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing law.