Showing posts with label funniest Halloween jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funniest Halloween jokes. Show all posts

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Some Ways To Confuse Trick-Or-Treaters...




a rerun of a favorite Halloween joke:


Some Ways To Confuse Trick-Or-Treaters

* Give away something other than candy (e.g. toothpicks,
golf balls, bags of sand, etc.).

* Fill a briefcase with marbles and crackers. Write
"TOP SECRET" on it in big letters. When trick-or-
treaters come, look around suspiciously and say,
"It's about time you got here." Give them the
briefcase and quickly shut the door.

* Get about 30 people to wait in your living room. When
trick-or-treaters come to the door say, "Come in." When
they do, have everyone yell, "Surprise!!!" Act like it's
a surprise party.

* Get everyone who knocks on the door to come in and see if
they can figure out what's wrong with your dishwasher.

* After you give them candy, hand the trick-or-treaters a bill.

* Answer the door dressed as a pilgrim. Stare at the trick-or-
treaters for a moment and pretend to be confused. Start
flipping through a calendar.

* Instead of candy, give away colored eggs. If anyone
protests, explain that the eggs are the only thing you
had left over from Easter.

* Put a crown on a pumpkin and put the pumpkin on a throne on
your porch. Insist that all the trick-or-treaters bow before
the pumpkin.



Tuesday, October 26, 2010

A Funny - The Halloween Story...




The Halloween Story

Bob Hill and his new wife Betty were vacationing in Europe,
as it happens, near Transylvania .

They were driving in a rental car along a rather deserted
highway.

It was late and raining very hard. Bob could barely see the
road in front of the car. Suddenly, the car skids out of
control! Bob attempts to control the car, but to no avail!
The car swerves and smashes into a tree!

Moments later, Bob shakes his head to clear the fog. Dazed,
he looks over at the passenger seat and sees his wife
unconscious with her head bleeding!

Despite the rain and unfamiliar countryside, Bob knows he
must get her medical assistance.

Bob carefully picks up his wife and begins trudging down
the road. After a short while, he sees a light. He heads
toward the light, which is coming from a large, old house.


He approaches the door and knocks.

A minute passes.

A small, hunched man opens the door.

Bob immediately blurts, "Hello, my name is Bob Hill and this
is my wife Betty. We've been in a terrible accident and my
wife has been seriously hurt. Can I please use your phone?"

"I'm sorry," replied the hunchback, "but we don't have a
phone. My master is a doctor; come in, and I will get him!"

Bob brings his wife in.

An older man comes down the stairs. "I'm afraid my assistant
may have misled you. I am not a medical doctor; I am a
scientist. However, it is many miles to the nearest clinic, and
I have had a basic medical training. I will see what I can do.
Igor, bring them down to the laboratory."

With that, Igor picks up Betty and carries her downstairs,
with Bob following closely. Igor places Betty on a table in
the lab. Bob collapses from exhaustion and his own injuries,
so Igor places Bob on an adjoining table.

After a brief examination, Igor's master looks worried.
"Things are very serious, Igor. Prepare a transfusion."

Igor and his master work feverishly, but to no avail. Bob and
Betty Hill are no more.

The Hills' deaths upset Igor's master greatly.

Wearily, he climbs the steps to his conservatory, which
houses his grand piano. For it is here that he has always
found solace.

He begins to play, and a stirring, almost haunting melody fills
the large house.

Meanwhile, Igor is still in the lab tidying up. His eyes catch
movement, and he notices the fingers on Betty's hand twitch,
keeping time to the haunting piano music. Stunned, he watches
as Bob's arm begins to rise, marking the beat! He is further
amazed as Betty and Bob both sit up straight!

Unable to contain himself, he dashes up the stairs to the
conservatory.

He bursts in and shouts to his master:

"Master, Master!...The Hills are alive with the sound of music!"



Thursday, October 21, 2010

Top 10 Houses to Avoid When Trick-or-Treating...



Top 10 Types of Houses to Avoid When Trick-or-Treating


This is taken from a Hallmark Halloween card:


10
. Any house that seems to be imploding into a hole in
the ground.

9. Any house made of food.

8. Any house that has ornamental lawn hyenas.

7. Any house whose only entrance goes to the basement.

6. Any house where high-tension power lines seem
to stop.

5. Any house that keeps growling, "Get out!".

4. Any house where the furniture seems to be walking
around the living room.

3. Any house that looks more like a giant, pulsating orb
floating three feet above the ground, than a house.

2. Any house with a yard full of statues of people in
odd running poses.

... and the number one house to avoid:

1. Any house that wasn't there a couple of seconds ago.


Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Short Halloween Jokes and Puns...




Short Halloween Jokes and Puns

What's a monster's favorite play?
Romeo and ghouliet
Why do witches fly on brooms?
Vacuum cleaner cords
aren't long enough.
What do ghosts serve for dessert?
Ice-scream
Why did the Vampire get fired from the Blood Bank?
He was caught drinking on the job.
What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?
Bamboo
What monster flies his kite in a rain storm?
Benjamin Frankenstein
How can you tell when you're in bed with Count Dracula?
He has a big D on his pajamas.
Why are most monsters covered in wrinkles?
Have you ever tried to iron a monster?
"Mommy, mommy, my teacher keeps saying
I look like a werewolf!"

"Be quiet, dear, and go and comb your face."
What kind of monster is safe to put in the washing machine?
A wash and wear wolf
What has webbed feet, feathers, fangs,and goes, "quack-quack"?
Count Duckula
What game do little cannibals like to play at parties?
Swallow the Leader
Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?
His ghoul friend
Why are monsters huge and hairy and ugly?
If they were small and round and
smooth they'd be M&M's.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Joke - The Halloween Scare...



The Halloween Scare

A man is walking home alone late one foggy Halloween night,
when behind him he hears:

BUMP...

BUMP...

BUMP...

Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out
the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle
of the street toward him.

BUMP...

BUMP...

BUMP...

Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket
bouncing quickly behind him.

FASTER...

FASTER...

BUMP...

BUMP...

BUMP...

He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door,
rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him. However, the
casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket
clapping.

clappity-BUMP...

clappity-BUMP...

clappity-BUMP...

on his heels, as the terrified man runs.

Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, he locks himself in. His heart is
pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing
gasps.

With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door.

Bumping and clapping toward him.

The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he
can find is a bottle of cough syrup! Desperate, he throws the
cough syrup at the casket...

and...

The coffin stops.