Marriage Humor...

Short Marriage Jokes

A Brave Man

True bravery is arriving home late, after a guy's night out,

being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and still having

the guts to ask:

"Are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"

The Genie

A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can have whatever

he wants, provided that his mother-in-law gets double.

The man thinks for a moment and then says, "OK, give me a

million dollars and beat me half to death."

Whacked

A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen, shaking

frantically, with what looked like a wire running from his waist

toward the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the

deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood

by the back door, breaking his arm in two places.

Until that moment he had been happily listening to his Walkman.

Wrong Way

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car

phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him,

"Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going

the wrong way on Highway 401. Please be careful!"

"Hon," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds

of them!"

Joke - Thoughtful Husband...

Thoughtful Husband

George was a thoughtful husband. He wanted to give his wife
something special for her birthday which was coming up soon.

As he sat on the edge of the bed, he watched his wife turning

back and forth and looking at herself in the mirror.

“Rita,” he asked, “What would you like for your birthday?”

His wife continued to look at herself and said, “I’d like to be

six again.”

George knew just what to do. On the big day, he got up early

and made his wife a bowl of Froot Loops. Then he took her to an

amusement park where they rode all the rides. Five hours later,

Rita’s stomach felt upside-down and her head was reeling.

Nevertheless, George took her to McDonald’s and bought her a

Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake. Next, it was

a movie with popcorn, soda, and her favorite candy.

As Rita wobbled into the house that evening and flopped on the

bed, George asked her, “Well, dear, what was it like to be six

again?”

Rita looked up at him. Her expression changed. She said, “I meant

my dress size!”

Joke - Fairy Godmother...

Fairy Godmother

A Fairy Godmother greeted a husband and wife at their
anniversary party and said, "For being such an exemplary
married couple for 35 years, I will give each of you one
wish."

"I want to travel around the world with my dearest husband,"
said the wife.

The fairy moved her magic stick and - poof- two tickets
appeared in her hands!

Now it was the husband's turn. He thought for a moment and
said, "Well, this moment is very romantic, but an opportunity
like this only occurs once in a lifetime."

"So, I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years
younger than I am."

The wife was deeply disappointed, but a wish was a wish. The
fairy made a circle with her magic stick and - poof- suddenly
the husband was 90 years old.

Joke - Happily Married Couple...

Happily Married Couple

A married couple was celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary.
They were famous in the city for not having a single conflict in all of
their 25 years of married life. Local newspaper editors had gathered
at the occasion to find out the secret of their well-known,
“happy marriage”.

An editor present said, “Sir, it's amazing! How did you make
this possible?”

The husband recalled an incident on his honeymoon saying, “We chose
to go horse-back riding. My horse was behaving well, but the horse on
which my wife was riding seemed to be a crazy one. While passing me,
her horse jumped suddenly, toppling her over. Recovering her position
from the ground, she patted the horse’s back and said, 'This is your
first time.'"

"She again climbed the horse and continued with the ride. After a
while, it happened again. This time, too, she kept her calm and said,
'This is your second time.' and continued riding."

"When the horse dropped her the third time, she silently took out a
revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead!!"

"I shouted at my wife, 'What did you do, you psycho?! You killed the
poor animal! Are you crazy?!'"

"She gave me an evil look and said, 'This is your first time!!!'"

“That’s it. We have been happy ever since."