The Greatest Benefits of Being Over 40
* Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than
The National Weather Service.
* People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"
* You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations.
* People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
* There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
* You can eat dinner at 4 P.M.
* You have a party and the neighbors
don't even realize it.
* You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
* You quit trying to hold your stomach in,
no matter who walks into the room.
* You sing along with elevator music.
* Your eyes won't get much worse.
* Your investment in health insurance is finally
beginning to pay off.
* * * *
Necessary Information for the
40-and-Older Crowd
* If you're too open-minded,
your brains will fall out.
* Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
* Not one shred of evidence supports the notion
that life is serious.
* For every action, there is an equal and opposite
government program.
* If you look like your passport picture,
you probably need the trip.
* Bills travel through the mail at twice
the speed of checks.
* Men are from earth. Women are from earth.
Deal with it.
* Opportunities always look bigger
going than coming.
* Junk is something you've kept for years and
throw away three weeks before you need it.
* There is always one more imbecile
than you counted on.
* Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
* Someone who thinks logically provides a nice
contrast to the real world.
* It ain't the jeans that make your bottom look big.
