Fun and Funny Quotes
"Tear my heart out, slow roast me over a fire, pull off my
eyebrows strand by strand, push pins though my fingernails...
do anything to me, anything but a Monday."
"Tear my heart out, slow roast me over a fire, pull off my
eyebrows strand by strand, push pins though my fingernails...
do anything to me, anything but a Monday."
- Prabhudoss
Samuel
C=
"My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took
her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom,
they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'"
her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom,
they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'"
-
Paula Poundstone
C=
"It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a
library
and go, 'Aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But
you do the same thing on an airplane, and everyone joins in."
and go, 'Aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But
you do the same thing on an airplane, and everyone joins in."
- Tommy Cooper
C=
"If your boss is getting you down, look at him through
the prongs of a fork and imagine him in jail."
the prongs of a fork and imagine him in jail."
- David Brent
C=
"Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty
things."
- George
Carlin
C=
"My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told
him...
If you don't mind I'd like a second opinion. He said,
'Alright... you're ugly too!'"
If you don't mind I'd like a second opinion. He said,
'Alright... you're ugly too!'"
- Rodney
Dangerfield
C=
"I don't have a photograph, but you can have
my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks."
my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks."
-
Groucho Marx
C=
"I am thankful for laughter, except when milk
comes out of my nose."
comes out of my nose."
- Woody
Allen
C=
"Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled
for a reason."
for a reason."
-
Jerry Seinfeld
