Thanksgiving Giggles!

Six - Legged Turkey

An industrious turkey farmer was always experimenting with
breeding to perfect a better turkey.

His family was fond of the leg portion for dinner and there were never
enough legs for everyone. After many frustrating attempts, the farmer
was relating the results of his efforts to his friends at the general store
get-together.

"Well, I finally did it! I bred a turkey that has six legs!!"

They all asked the farmer how it tasted.

"I don't know," said the farmer, "I never could catch the darn thing!"




Grocery Store Turkey

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store,
but couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked the stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"

The stock boy answered, "No ma'am they're dead."




Bruno

Little Bruno was sitting in his grandmother's kitchen,
watching her prepare the Thanksgiving meal.

"What are you doing?" Bruno asked

"Oh, I'm just stuffing the turkey," his grandmother replied.

"That's cool!" Bruno said.
"Are you going to hang it next to the deer?"




Turkey Man

A man said, "Doctor, help me! I can't stop acting like a turkey!"

"I see," said the doctor. "How long have you had this problem?"

"Let me think a second. Mom laid the egg in 1954..."

Funny Quotes About Television

Funny Television Quotes

"Television is more interesting than
people. If it were not, we would have people
standing in the corners of our rooms."
- Alan Coren

"MTV is the lava lamp of the 1980's."
- Doug Ferrari

"Seeing a murder on television... can help work off
one's antagonisms. And if you haven't any antagonisms,
the commercials will give you some."
- Alfred Hitchcock

"Television: A medium. So called because
it's neither rare nor well done."
- Ernie Kovacs

"The one function TV news performs very well
is that when there is no news we give it to you with
the same emphasis as if there were."
- David Brinkley

"On cable TV they have a weather channel -
24 hours of weather. We had something like that
where I grew up. We called it a window."
- Dan Spencer

"Television is to news what bumper
stickers are to philosophy."
- Richard Nixon

"I find television very educating.
Every time somebody turns on the set,
I go into the other room and read a book."
- Groucho Marx

"If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth,
inventor of television, we'd still be eating
frozen radio dinners."
- Johnny Carson

Purpose Quotes and Verses

Purpose Quotes and Verses

"I cry out to God Most High, to God,
who fulfills His purpose for me. He sends from heaven and
saves me... God sends His love and his faithfulness."
- Psalm 57:3

"And we know that to them that love God
all things work together for good, even to them
that are called according to His purpose."
- Romans 8:28

"We must not, in trying to think
about how we can make a big difference, ignore
the small daily differences we can make which,
over time, add up to big differences that we
often cannot foresee."
- Marian Wright Edelman

"And thou wilt give thyself relief, if thou doest
every act of thy life as if it were the last."
- Marcus Aurelius

"The purpose of life is a life of purpose."
- Robert Byrne

"Everything's got a moral,
if only you can find it."
- Lewis Carroll

"Millions long for immortality who do not know what to
do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon."
- Susan Ertz

"My mother said to me, 'If you become a soldier, you'll be
a general; if you become a monk, you'll end up as the Pope.'
Instead, I became a painter and wound up as Picasso."
- Pablo Picasso

"We are here on earth to do good for others.
What the others are here for, I don't know."
- W. H. Auden

"Good friends, good books and a sleepy
conscience: this is the ideal life."
- Mark Twain

"What is a weed? A plant whose virtues
have not yet been discovered."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Joke - Good at Ice Fishing

Good at Ice Fishing

Two men are out on a frozen lake ice fishing. One man had been out on the lake for over two hours and hadn't gotten a single bite. The other man, about a dozen feet away, had been on the lake for about half an hour and already had almost a bucket-full.

This disturbed the other man greatly, so he walked over to him and asked, "Excuse me, sir, but I'd been out 'ere fer a mighty long time and I ain't caught nuthin'. How do you catch all them fish?"

The other man looked at him and said, "Mummmummhummmummhummhmummm."

"What did you say?"

"Mummhummmummhummmumnmunhumm," mumbled the busy fisherman.

"Sir, you got a speech impediment? I can't hear a darn word yer sayin'!"

The fisherman pointed his finger up, indicating to wait a minute. He pulled and reeled in his line and pulled and reeled in, and he caught another fish.

"OK, darn it. Either tell me now or else," said the angry 'amateur'.

As the 'expert' removed the fish from the hook, he looked at the unfortunate man standing beside him. He put the fishing pole down and took a large wad of something out of his mouth. "You have the keep the worms warm," he answered.

Generosity Quotes

Generosity Quotes

"If a man be gracious and courteous to strangers,
it shows he is a citizen of the world, and that his heart is no island
cut off from other lands, but a continent that joins to them."
- Francis Bacon

"Giving frees us from the familiar territory of our
own needs by opening our mind to the unexplained
worlds occupied by the needs of others."
- Barbara Bush

"The fragrance always stays in the
hand that gives the rose."
- Hada Bejar

"The most satisfying thing in life is to have been able
to give a large part of one's self to others."
- Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

"We make a living by what we get,
but we make a life by what we give."
- Winston Churchill

"There is no beautifier of complexion,
or form, or behavior, like the wish to scatter joy and
not pain around us. 'Tis good to give a stranger a meal,
or a night's lodging. 'Tis better to be hospitable to his good
meaning and thought, and give courage to a companion.
We must be as courteous to a man as we are to a picture,
which we are willing to give the advantage of a good light."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Generosity is not giving me that which I need more than you do,
but it is giving me that which you need more than I do."
- Kahlil Gibran

"Think of giving not as a duty but as a privilege."
- John D. Rockefeller Jr.

"There is a wonderful mythical law of
nature that the three things we crave most in life -
happiness, freedom, and peace of mind - are always
attained by giving them to someone else."
- Peyton Conway March

"The joy that isn't shared dies young."
- Anne Sexton